Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How-i-met-your-mother

Robin: Well, what if I'm just a cold person? Tonight, Mike was willing to look like a complete idiot for me, but I couldn't be Gretel. Why can't I be Gretel?
Ted: Because you just haven't met the right Hansel yet. One day you're gonna meet a guy who's gonna make you want to look like a complete idiot

Robin: I never played any team sports
Ted: Are we playing "I never" cause there's nothing left but peach schnapps

Ted: Come on, Barney, this is not about the odds, this is about believing. This girl, she represents something to me, I don't know, hope.
Barney: Wow. I did not understand a word you just said

Mike: We love tiramisu. Am I wrong in saying that?
Robin: No, no, no, I mean it just sounds a little bit weird, doesn't it? We love tiramisu. Is it really a group activity, loving tiramisu?

Marshall: Apple tart, excellent choice, Lilypad.
Lily: Thanks, Marshmallow.
Robin [to Mike]: Well, let's dig in, Mi... Mi... Microwave Oven

Barney: Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume in case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way I have a second chance to make a first impression. What's with the face?
Ted: It's half you're pathetic, half I have to pee

[Mike shows up to Halloween dressed as Hansel]
Mike: Where's your costume, Gretel?
Robin: You thought I was... Oh, I was just kidding. I gotta stop making jokes in e-mails. It's so hard to convey tone

This party sucks. There are seven chicks here. [guy in dress takes off blond wig] There are six chicks here

Barney

Lily: We are so gonna win the costume contest this year.
Marshall: First prize, $50 gift certificate at the bar.
Ted: And how much did you pay for your costumes?
Marshall: $100
Lily: Each

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