Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS

Model: You guys work for the company?
Barney: Yeah, it's called "I'm gonna get in your panties" incorporated.

Barney: But you said I rocked your world. All subsequent worlds that I rocked were only so rocked because of the confidence I earned from said first world rocking!
Rhonda: Sorry, Barry.
Barney: It's Barney

That was the night I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode into the world, Armani-clad and fully awesome


Robin [wearing no makeup at the gym]: Shut up. Lily, tell him to shut up.
Lily: I'm sorry, lesbian prison guard. Do we know each other?

Trish: All right. Start with a hundred push-ups!
Marshall: All right, cool. How many do you want me to do?
Trish: A hundred.
Marshall: Oh, I thought that was a figure of speech. A hundred push-ups. Like do a bazillion push-ups. No one can do a hundred.
Trish: (sniffing) Do you smell that?
Marshall: No.
Trish: Smells like there's a little bitch in my gym. Are you being a little bitch in my gym?
Marshall: No.
Trish: Then get on the floor and give me a hundred!

Robin: Wow. That makes me want to join a gym. So I can get super strong and punch you really hard in the face.
Ted: Yes, we should all do it.
Lily: Yeah. Let's all punch Barney in the face.

That's going to reward shareholders soon. I see aggressive growth in my future. What up!

Barney [referring to his investing in women]

Ted: I wound up shame-eating the whole pizza. I woke up all greasy and sweaty. My sheets looked like what they wrap Deli sandwiches in. Maybe I should join a gym. Do you go to a gym?
Barney: Well, I go to Total Rip Fitness. But I don't work out there.
Ted: What do you do?
Barney: I invest

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