How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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Robin [about Marshall]: This has to stop! Ted, we just started dating, we agreed we don't want to move too fast, and somehow, we have a baby. He can't feed himself, he cries a lot, he keeps us up all night.
Barney: Have you tried breast feeding? Nailed it!

Ted: It's Sunday! It's Pancakes day!
Marshall: Lily always made the pancakes. God I loved her pancakes. So soft. So warm. So perfectly shaped.
Ted: Are we still talking about her pancakes? ...C'mon, you gotta eat something. What can I get you?
Marshall: Beer.
Ted: No, that's what you had for dinner.
Marshall: Fine! I'll just have leftovers.
[Marshall pulls half-drunk beer out of couch]

Ted: You hungry?
Marshall: What's the point? I could eat some's just gonna leave me.
Ted: Well, at least in that scenario, you get to do the dumping.

Robin: Hey! So, did you hear the big news?
Ted: You mean how Lily and Marshall broke up and Lily's gone and nothing else remotely important happened last night? Yeah, I think he knows

Ted [on the phone]: Oh hey, where are you guys?
Barney: We're in a fundraiser, helping young women raise money for community college.
Ted: Stripclub...nice

You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead. True story.


Barney: So he stays home all the time not getting laid? No, see, that's what you do when you have a fiancée. He should be out here celebrating! He's free! He got that red-headed tumor removed.
Ted: You should write and illustrate children's books

Barney: For the first time...ever...the three of us are single at the same time. I've dreamed about this day, boys, and it is going to be le...gen...dary! Together we will own this city. Any time a girl wants to get back at her ex-boyfriend, we'll be there. Any time a girl wants to...solve her father issues through promiscuity and binge drinking WE WILL BE there. Any time a bachelorette party drives through the city in a limo, sticking their heads out the sunroof, shouting "WHAT'S UP NEW YORK!!", we will be what is "up" New York! Gentlemen, we are about to embark on...
[Barney looks at Robin and Ted...]
Barney: Oh man, you guys did it, didn't you?!

Marshall [about Lily]: I should call her
Ted: No, no, if you call her when she asks you not to, you're just gonna look weak and you're gonna regret it. Now listen, whenever you feel like calling her, you come find me first... and I will punch you in the face.
Marshall: You're a good friend Ted

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