It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 8 Episode 6: "Charlie's Mom Has Cancer" Quotes
Thank you all for coming to our Beer and Beef and Jesus. As you know, I'm as sick as a three-legged dog on the streets of India. Any minute, my lungs are going to sizzle pop and disintegrate into a liquid lung and organ gumbo soup.
Charlie's Mom: I don't like this speech. The speech is too graphic.
Mac: It needs to be graphic to get their attention! (to Charlie) This bitch is driving me crazy.
Charlie's Mom: I feel like I'm lying.
Mac: You're not lying, Mrs. Kelly. You're really dying of cancer.
Artemis: It's devouring your insides, but we need it to look like it's devouring your outsides so it plays better for our audience (winks at Charlie and Mac).
Mac: It's the Holy Trinity: Beef and beer and Jesus.
Charlie: Where's your mom going?
Mac: Oh, she keeps a cigarette burning out on the steps outside, so she's gonna go hack a butt.
Charlie: How's is this realistically going to solve our problem? Dennis, what do you think of this?
Dennis: Shh shh! I'm just trying to embrace this, maybe knock some emotion loose.
Mac: I picture anything but black.
Dr. Jinx: Didn't you ever watch The Cosby Show when you were comin' up?
Mac: Oh, no. My parents would never allow anything like that.
Dennis: Yeah, I gotta say - this is a strange place for a doctor's office. What's this guy's name?
Mac: Dr. Jinx.
Dennis: Dr. Jinx is the name of a monkey, not a man.
Frank: You're losing your mind. You're being scammed.
Dee: I'm losing my mind? How many pairs of shoes have you lost this month, Frank?
Frank: (looks down, sees his own bare feet) Three... four!