It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Thursdays 10:00 PM on FX
Its always sunny in philadelphia
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A woman in politics is like a donkey doing calculus.

Frank

Gentlemen, sorry we couldn't work anything out, but I gotta go home and pay my taxes.

Mac

Dennis: What's the note say?
Charlie: All right, yeah. All right, uh, "meet." It starts out "meet" and then there's, like, other stuff.
Dennis: "Meet me in the parking garage, Frank."
Charlie: Yeah?
Dennis: Yeah. You clearly have a learning disability, dude.

Dennis: Am I supposed to vote for the Democrat who's going to blast me in the a** or the Republican who's blasting my a**?
Mac: See politics is all just one big a**-blast.
Dennis: It's a coast to coast,...
Charlie: You're going to get you're a**-blasted.
Dennis: ...nationwide a**-blasting.

Jack: Are you trying to solicit a bribe from me?
Frank: I don't know, am I?
Jack: Because if you are, not only is that illegal and highly unethical, but you're doing it with the subtlety of a baboon.

When Dennis Reynolds was a counselor at Camp Cumberland, he was sent home for the statutory rape of a teenage camper. A vote for Dennis Reynolds is a vote for underage rape. Dennis Reynolds, baby rapist. Don't let him rape you, Philadelphia.

Mac [voice-over to smear campaign video]

Frank: Everybody who's in favor of firing Mac as campaign manager, raise their hand. (everyone raises their hand) The people have spoken, you're out.
Mac: So that's it? That's it. I'm fired? This is bullshit!
Frank: It's politics, man.

Mac: We are getting blasted in the ass by the state liquor tax.
Dee: Blasted in the ass?
Dennis: Mac, we have the same conversation every year. There's nothing you can do about taxes.
Dee: Uh, you guys might want to think about voting every once in a while.

Dee: Are those--those stupid cards where babies are doing disgusting things?
Charlie: Uhhh... no. They're the amazing cards where babies are doing hysterical things!

Dennis: I think you might be dyslexic.
Charlie: Read the script once.
Dennis: Okay, you want me to read the script?
Charlie: Yes.
Dennis: All right.
Charlie: And... action
Dennis: I'll read the words you wrote. "Hello, fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power good. Thank you. Thank you. If you vote me, I'm hot..." What? "Taxes, they'll be lower... son. The democratic vote for me is right thing to do, Philadelphia, so do."

Mac: [walking up to them] I've been looking for you guys everywhere...Look. I've been thinkin'...and I feel like I could be a real asset to you guys. I wanna help.
Charlie: What? Wait, wait, so first you wash your hands in politics and now you want back in? That's called flip-flopping, Mac! That's what Democrats do.
Dennis: Hang on a second Charlie, let's give the guy a chance to prove himself.
Mac: Yeah, yeah. Give me a chance...what should I do?
Charlie: "What should I do"? Strike one, buddy.
Dennis: You gotta bring something to the table, Mac.
Mac: All right...ah...check this out. [Goes up to woman pushing her baby in a stroller] Excuse me, hi. I couldn't help but notice your adorable baby.
Woman: Oh, thank you.
Mac: Yeah, I was wondering, [stopping the stroller from moving] if you wouldn't mind if that handsome young gentleman over there kissed it.
Woman: Excuse me?
Mac: Yeah...oh. I'm sorry. He's running for District 37 Comptroller, so it's cool.
Woman: You know, I'd rather not.
Mac: [stopping the stroller again] Yeah, well you know...it's...good for him and it's good for you, so I think you should maybe just give me the baby.
Woman: You know what? Please leave me alone.
Mac: OK, lady. Just give me the baby and I could get it over with as quickly as possible.
Woman: I said no!
Mac: Goddammit, just give me the baby! [tries to unbuckle the baby out of the stroller]
Woman: Somebody help me!
Charlie: This is campaign suicide, dude...
Dennis: Let's get out of here.

Lady: Are you going to take care of the crime problem here?
Dennis: Absolutely, I say we put them on buses and ship them over to Iraq.. make them fight the terrorists.
Lady: You're very handsome.
Dennis: Thank you ha ha.
Charlie: This is going very, very well man.
Dennis: I know people are really responding to me.
Charlie: They love the bone structure.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 13 in total

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 2 Episode 8 Quotes

Lady: Are you going to take care of the crime problem here?
Dennis: Absolutely, I say we put them on buses and ship them over to Iraq.. make them fight the terrorists.
Lady: You're very handsome.
Dennis: Thank you ha ha.
Charlie: This is going very, very well man.
Dennis: I know people are really responding to me.
Charlie: They love the bone structure.

Frank: There is nothing more threatening to a man than a woman who is smart and attractive. We have to pretend you're both!
Dee: Wow, you're a horrible father.