It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Quotes

I'm gonna rise up, I'm gonna to kick a little ass, I'm gonna to kick some ass in the U.S.A., gonna climb a mountain, gonna sew a flag, gonna fly on an eagle. I'm gonna kick some butt, I'm gonna drive a big truck, I'm gonna rule this world, I'm gonna kick some ass, I'm gonna rise up, I'm gonna kick a little ass. ROCK, FLAG, and EAGLE!

Charlie

Dee: I am not a failure!
Mac: Dennis, what is it that you call it when somebody tries to do something but doesn't succeed?
Dennis: Uh, that would in fact be a failure.

Frank: Look, I didn't go to Vietnam just to have pansies like you take my freedom away from me.
Dee: You went to Vietnam in 1993 to open up a sweatshop!
Frank: ...and a lot of good men died in that sweatshop!

A woman in politics is like a donkey doing calculus.

Frank

Gentlemen, sorry we couldn't work anything out, but I gotta go home and pay my taxes.

Mac

Dennis: What's the note say?
Charlie: All right, yeah. All right, uh, "meet." It starts out "meet" and then there's, like, other stuff.
Dennis: "Meet me in the parking garage, Frank."
Charlie: Yeah?
Dennis: Yeah. You clearly have a learning disability, dude.

Dennis: Am I supposed to vote for the Democrat who's going to blast me in the a** or the Republican who's blasting my a**?
Mac: See politics is all just one big a**-blast.
Dennis: It's a coast to coast,...
Charlie: You're going to get you're a**-blasted.
Dennis: ...nationwide a**-blasting.

Jack: Are you trying to solicit a bribe from me?
Frank: I don't know, am I?
Jack: Because if you are, not only is that illegal and highly unethical, but you're doing it with the subtlety of a baboon.

When Dennis Reynolds was a counselor at Camp Cumberland, he was sent home for the statutory rape of a teenage camper. A vote for Dennis Reynolds is a vote for underage rape. Dennis Reynolds, baby rapist. Don't let him rape you, Philadelphia.

Mac [voice-over to smear campaign video]

Frank: Everybody who's in favor of firing Mac as campaign manager, raise their hand. (everyone raises their hand) The people have spoken, you're out.
Mac: So that's it? That's it. I'm fired? This is bullshit!
Frank: It's politics, man.

Mac: We are getting blasted in the ass by the state liquor tax.
Dee: Blasted in the ass?
Dennis: Mac, we have the same conversation every year. There's nothing you can do about taxes.
Dee: Uh, you guys might want to think about voting every once in a while.

Dee: Are those--those stupid cards where babies are doing disgusting things?
Charlie: Uhhh... no. They're the amazing cards where babies are doing hysterical things!

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Charlie: I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids and that'll put them in their place.
Mac: How you gonna do that?
Charlie: Well, you've seen the movie right?
Mac: Yeah.
Charlie: So all I gotta do is, I'll ask them some big shot, like math or science, history-type college question aand that will totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.
Mac: In that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor, you're just a janitor.
Charlie: Right, you stumped me with that one.

Mac: He doesn't have any poison.
Charlie: I don't have any on me, but I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.
Frank: There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles. What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?
Charlie: Well that's mayonnaise. It's a decoy.
Frank: And the mayo?
Charlie: That's shampoo.
Frank: You're telling I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?
Charlie: If you've been using the mayonnaise, then yeah, probably.

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