It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXIt's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Quotes
Oh, and hookups are good. But just to be clear... when you say your "sista," do you mean your sister or your friend?
Mac
Also, first thing we gotta do is get rid of these shamrocks. 'Cause nothing scares Gays and Black folks like Irish crap, you know whadda I mean?
Terrell
Sweet Dee: How could you not tell me you were gay?
Terrell: I'm a musical theater actor!
(After Charlie is caught saying the N word by the Waitress)
Waitress: Wow, nice.
Charlie: No, no. That's not what I was saying.
Waitress: Coffee? Hitler?
Charlie: No, I'm not, not Adolf Hitler.
Waitress: I'll make sure to put a lot of cream in yours.
Mac: Why do these people like you guys so much?
Charlie: Well dude, it's not that they like us, they don't like you! You know why? Uhhh, because you're an asshole!
Dennis: Our mortgage is due in two weeks.
Mac: No, we paid that, like, a week ago.
Dennis: No. A week ago was three weeks late.
(After Charlie throws away a girl's number)
Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing, dude?
Charlie: What?
Mac: What are you doing?
Charlie: Ah.
Mac: That girl is gorgeous. She's like the perfect opportunity to show that we are not racist. She probably has friends for me.
Charlie: Well, come on. If anything, I think we should be focused on black men, first of all.
Mac: What?!
I hate listening to people's dreams. It's like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody's having sex, I just don't care.
Dennis
Dennis: It's because of those bison fingers.
Dee: I do not have bison fingers!
Frank: Yeah you do. Your mother had to have a c-section because of those hands.
Dee: Who slams a door?
Frank: Babies.
Dennis: That guy has some real growing up to do. Have some repect for Christ's sake... I am legend.
What's going on is that you just drank a cup of poison.
Charlie
Charlie: I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids and that'll put them in their place.
Mac: How you gonna do that?
Charlie: Well, you've seen the movie right?
Mac: Yeah.
Charlie: So all I gotta do is, I'll ask them some big shot, like math or science, history-type college question aand that will totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.
Mac: In that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor, you're just a janitor.
Charlie: Right, you stumped me with that one.
