You came out of the womb like that. I'm not entirely sure there wasn't a twin in there that you bumped off.

Jay [to Claire]

• Permalink: You came out of the womb like that. I'm not entirely sure there ...
• Added: January 11, 2012

The way we compete with each other is sick! Two 13-year-olds knew how to take advantage of us.

Claire [to Jay]

• Permalink: The way we compete with each other is sick! Two 13-year-olds kne...
• Added: January 11, 2012

First get a mirror, then you're gonna look into it and you're gonna see a crazy woman. She needs your help.

Alex [to Claire]

• Permalink: First get a mirror, then you're gonna look into it and you're go...
• Added: January 11, 2012

There's this really cute boy at school and he kind of likes my feet.

Haley

• Permalink: There's this really cute boy at school and he kind of likes my f...
• Added: January 11, 2012

Sometimes the best thing to do in a race to the top is grease the pole behind you.

Jay

• Permalink: Sometimes the best thing to do in a race to the top is grease th...
• Added: January 11, 2012

Cam: It's kind of like a first date.
Mitchell: Actually it's the opposite of the first date. You don't want to have sex, but you do want a baby.

• Permalink: It's kind of like a first date. Actually it's the opposite of ...
• Added: January 11, 2012

Claire is like the son my dad always wanted. He just wanted someone to throw a ball in the backyard, I did once but he did not attend.

Mitchell

• Permalink: Claire is like the son my dad always wanted. He just wanted some...
• Added: January 11, 2012

That's when you know your family loves you, when they feel free to scream at you.

Gloria

• Permalink: That's when you know your family loves you, when they feel free ...
• Added: January 11, 2012

I understood " crazy old witch" "go kill yourself" then "I love you."

Manny

• Permalink: I understood crazy old witch go kill yourself then I love you.
• Added: January 11, 2012