Episode 17: "Truth Be Told"
Gloria: And you really didn't know he was gay?
Jay: I must have, right? [permalink]
Manny: I don't think I can get through this without crying. Maybe we should just go on to the cold cuts. [permalink]
Gloria: I'm Columbian, I know a fake crime scene when I see one. [permalink]
Phil: She's one of my 447 friends. Everyone wants a slice. [permalink]
Phil: You're doing that thing when you say what I want you to say, but your tone seems mean. [permalink]
Mitchell: He's the suckiest suck of all time. [permalink]
Manny: Lots of stuff that doesn't kill you makes you weaker. [permalink]
Haley: Oh my God, gross, I can't even picture you with a woman.
Claire: Thank you. [permalink]
Mitchell: If my daughter can stand up then so can I. [permalink]
Mitchell: I am going to do what I am trained to do. I am going to lie, grovel, debase myself until I get what I want. I am a lawyer, damn it. [permalink]
Gloria: It's hard to sleep in a bed of lies, isn't it, Jay? [permalink]
Jay: To this day, Mitchell looks at me, I see him thinking 'that's the guy who killed Flyza Minnelli.' [permalink]
Jay: I've been through this before. When Mitchell was 9, I was supposed to take care of his bird. It got out and flew into a fan. It was like a bloody pillow fight. [permalink]
Phil: I know the pain is fresh, but the lie is really old. [permalink]
Luke: You had a girlfriend before mom?
Phil: I had two! [permalink]
Phil: Trust me, I had plenty of fun in my time. Then, I met your mom. [permalink]
Claire: Women in their 30s on the internet are like ninjas. They get in their little, black outfits and try to sneak their way into your marriage. [permalink]
Denise: How many other women have you led on?
Phil: I don't know now! [permalink]
Episode 16: "Fears"
Haley [on her biggest fear]: Never getting my driver's license, or getting one and the picture sucks. [permalink]
Cam: We can't ignore the giant panda in the room [permalink]
Total Modern Family Quotes: 211
