Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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I'm kind of in a delicate spot stuck between my wife and the guy next door, but I'm pretty sure I can satisfy them both simultaneously.

Phil

Being a realtor man means working on sundays. Like priests and Lesley Stahl.

Phil

Ok keep in mind, I'm not in makeup yet, but do these sandals make my legs look thick? Because I can lower the hem.

Manny

Earl: I banged your ex wife!
Jay: If you banged Dede, I DO owe you an apology!

That's right, my boy's datin' her. He's datin' her real good.

Jay

Oh relax, I'm sure you guys will find a couple that wants to get with you.

Haley

Not since I fell off the roof while they were delivering our trampoline have things come together so beautifully.

Phil

How surprised should we be? I mean he's basically a hyperactive toddler who just wants to play all the time.

Alex

I wanna hear your point but right now this magic juice is gonna help mama turn that bathtub into a swim up bar.

Claire

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke

Well that's attractive. You look like a puppy with a slipper.

Mitchell [to Cam]

Gloria: Manny's first girlfriend is a senior with a Mustang.
Jay: I'd have put my money on a sophomore with a mustache.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 1251 in total
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