You're obviously going to get into one of those snooty schools, and sometimes you're gonna come in second. Or fourth. Or maybe even tenth. But you're gonna dust yourself off, maybe put on some lipstick for once, and keep going.

Haley

[Singing] You are not the man you used to be. You get up four times at night to pee. Ba da dum da dum tat ta ta ta. You're super duper old now.

Phil

Phil: Then today it's, "everything I can do you can do better."
Luke: No, I can't.
Phil: Yes, you can.

That is literally the nicest gesture I have ever witnessed. And I'm from Canada.

Kaplan

Wait, does that mean you also didn't like my bagpiping? Is that why we have Luke?

Phil

Luke: What are you constantly looking at on your computer?
Alex: Is that a question you really want people asking around here?

She may not have gotten our talent, but she didn't get our self-consciousness either.

Cam

Manny: Hey, that's my bike!
Luke: We're all making sacrifices. I'm wearing a monokini.

If you can't beat em, drone em!

Phil

Manny: And just like that, it disappears.
Luke: In his defense, the water is really cold.

The minute they got rid of rotary phones, everything went to hell.

Jay

Wait, I just thought of something! I’m going to be the first woman in my family not to get pregnant and drop out of college.

Alex