You're the last person who should give me anything. You got me here. You got me to graduation, to Cal tech. You did it. You're done.

Alex

Now, I didn't tell Cam, because I was embarrassed, but also because I knew -- I knew I would get another job just like that. It's been a month.

Mitchell

Congrats! I'm gonna roll away before you spit on my screen again!

Phil

I just had to plug him in. It was a nice reversal from when I had to pull the plug on my dad in the hospital.

Andy

Manny: I think it's a bold step, and I support you in your journey of self improvement.
Gloria: No, you're not getting your hair straightened.

It would kill me if I thought that what I felt would hold you back from getting something that you wanted.

Jay

Can we maybe stay on my problem until the bread comes?

Claire

I wanna kiss you, but I have surgery breath.

Manny

Mitchell: Oh my gosh, you cut yourself.
Lily: Don't get blood in my eggs.

Mitchell: Oh my god. That burger was so good, I feel like I just cheated on you.
Cam: Yeah, I heard the moaning.

I gotta stop talking to that kid while I'm drinking.

Jay

I'm not a doctor yet, but it seems like you're having some sort of brain episode.

Alex

Modern Family Quotes

That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.

Phil

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay