Maybe next year, Alex.


Jay: Okay, we can solve both our problems. We put this princess castle together in the next thirty minutes. Let's go!
Phil: How does this solve my problem?
Jay: Just go!

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Something was bugging him, he needed to talk. It's like I don't want to be happy.


Cam: The writing's on the wall.
Lily: But mostly on the curtains.

Cam: He is so adorable.
Mitch: I know, isn't he? Remember when Lily was like this?
Lily: What do you say when I'm not here?

I wanted two rough and tumble boys. I got a Manny and a pedi.


Cam: Woo! That's the real Jay!
Jay: You know it! [snaps finger]

Nobody likes dancing more than the gays. Pretend you're on a float!


When it comes to wine, this woman doesn't see color. She'll drink anything you put in front of her.


Haley: I hope I can be as cool as you guys in 30 years.
Gloria: Does she think we're fifty?
Mitch: No, she's just really bad at math.

The family needs a leader, and I can't do it forever. You can handle it.


You're not going to drive me into a bad neighborhood to show me how lucky I am, are you?