Modern Family

Modern Family Quotes

Episode 14: "Me? Jealous?"

Ted: My wife took 50% of my stuff and left 100% of my kids.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Phil [to Luke]: Good to see you Betty Luke.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Claire: I know it's stupid, but it's nice to know that sometimes you'll fight for me and all I have to do is laugh at some other guy's story.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Phil: You can kiss my wife, you can take her to bed, but only I can make her laugh.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Gloria: I know you can't tell by looking at me, but I'm not a natural homemaker.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Manny: Cam, our shared bathroom is not the place to work out whatever's going on here!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Alex: I think somebody has a man crush.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Phil: He got divorced and his whole life opened up. Guy's living the dream.
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Episode 13: "Little Bo Bleep"

Phil: All over YouTube.
Claire: It went viral.
Phil: Some sicko auto-tunned me.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Duane Bailey [to Claire]: Ma'am according to this police report he broke into a stranger's room, stripped naked, and posed provocatively.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Phil: Someday I'll be walking you down the aisle.
Haley: Not if you're in perv jail.
 • Rating: Unrated

Alex [to Claire]: I think it's cool you're running for town office. It's totally nerdy but that's kind of my thing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cam: I'm sorry but you know I have two weakness: children cursing and old people rapping!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cam: More like Little Bo Cheap.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Luke: You yelled at my teacher for calling me special.
Claire: Hunnie that wasn't a compliment.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: Some voters find Claire angry and unlikeable. To those voters I would say...wait till she reads this.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Episode 12: "Egg Drop"

Jay [to Claire]: You came out of the womb like that. I'm not entirely sure there wasn't a twin in there that you bumped off.
 • Rating: Unrated

Claire [to Jay]: The way we compete with each other is sick! Two 13-year-olds knew how to take advantage of us.
 • Rating: Unrated

Alex [to Claire]: First get a mirror, then you're gonna look into it and you're gonna see a crazy woman. She needs your help.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Haley: There's this really cute boy at school and he kind of likes my feet.
 • Rating: Unrated

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