Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

I am brave. Roller coasters? Love 'em. Scary movies? I've seen Ghostbusters,like, seven times. I regularly drive through neighborhoods that have only recently been gentrified. So yeah, I'm pretty much not afraid of anything...Except clowns. Never shared that with the fam, so...shh. Do have an image to maintain.I am not really sure where the fear comes from. My mother says it's because when I was a kid, I found a dead clown in the woods, but who knows?

Phil

You have nothing to fear, but fear itself... and the concrete.

Phil

Luke [about reptile on his head]: This feels so weird, what does it eat?
Jungle Tanya: Oh just little boy brains
Alex: Well, at least Luke has nothing to worry about

You know people are going to stare, they're not used to seeing one clown in a car.

Cameron

Let me know if you run low on supplies, I'll take a quick trip to the 1950s for you.

Phil [to Claire]

Cameron: If I wasn't in school or fishing, I was clowning. There are four types of clowns: a tramp, Auguste, a whiteface, and a character. I am a classically trained Auguste clown named Fizbo.
Mitchell: Between the clowning and the fishing, I'm surprised you had time for the schooling. Aww, there's the fifth type, the sad clown.
Cameron: A sad clown is a tramp.. so there's still only four types.

Phil: I need the scariest reptile you got.
Jungle Tanya: I have an iguana that eats crickets.
Phile: That would be scary if it was a bday for crickets. Seriously Jungle Tanya, I need you to step it up a notch. Is there anything that scares the coocoo out of you?
Jungle Tanya: Not really. I do have a bearded dragon...
Phil: Ooh!
Jungle Tanya: No, it doesn't breath fire.

I'm the ass kicking clown that will twist you like a balloon animal!

Cameron

We can't get Luke a crossbow, he pokes himself in the eye every time he uses a straw.

Gloria
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