Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC

It was the day after Thanksgiving and I came in under budget for all my Christmas gifts and you know how that gets me going.


Cam: Everyone here is 11 and I'm hot.
Mitchell: If you were hot we'd be drinking right now.

In my village if you didn't drive one of these, you couldn't call yourself a druglord


If you're hungry for broccoli later, you'll find a piece in your teeth.


Can I offer you a Pina Delgado?


Alex: Hey are you sure you don't wanna play The Hunger Games with all of us?
Haley: My whole life is a hunger game, why do you think I'm so mean to you?

We should start calling her ranch house, cause she doesn't have a second story.


You could pretend to get sick at the table. You know cough, stomachache, dealer's choice, I don't care just sell it.


Cam: Are you excited for your big sleepover with your cousins?
Lily: Who's watching me?
Cam: Haley.
Lily: I'm serious.
Mitchell: Alex.
Lily: Okay let's go.

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