I'm not spending any more time under fluorescent lighting than I have to.

Haley

Mitchell: Why don't we put Lily in one of Alex's shirts for the picture tonight?
Cam: She'll see right through that.
Mitchell: No you're thinking of Haley's shirts.

Calm down Claire, your voice is getting to that pitch that disturbs out cat.

Cam

Can I sit around an empty house and wait for someone? Baby I'm a realtor. I have a license for that.

Phil

That's a library? I thought it was a church for a religion that didn't allow makeup.

Haley

Are you saying what I think you're saying? I'm Crocodile Dunphy?!

Phil

Mitchell: I'm so nervous. Are we gonna say Hugh Jackman in a bathing suit? What do we say to Hugh Jackman in a bathing suit?
Cam: Oh my God, it's so big.
Mitchell: That's a bit direct but you know he might be flattered- oh you're talking about the boat.

Gloria: How dumb do they think we are?
Phil: Sometimes Claire leaves me pictures instead of food instead of a shopping list.

Mitchell: What's happening?
Cam: I don't know Google him.
Mitchell: I didn't spring for an international data plan.

Jay I miss you. Besides I don't know that I can keep Phil safe anymore, I think he's going to die here.

Gloria

Haley: Lily what did I just say?
Lily: I don't know, something about shoes probably.

This country's number one export is hot surfers. I'm not gonna buy the first one I see, I'm still browsing.

Haley

Modern Family Season 5 Quotes

Yes people are allowed their private thoughts and I shouldn't be so angry, but I'm latin so I get to feel whatever i want.

Gloria

I know how it works. I rented the wrong movie once. Did you see Glenn Gary Glenn and Ross?

Gloria