NCIS
Mondays 9:00 PM on CBSNCIS Season 13 Episode 20: "Charade" Quotes
Vance: What the hell was that?
Tony: I don't know. I usually only have that effect on women.
McGee: Good morning, Ellie.
Bishop: Good morning, Tim.
Bishop: Here we go. A homeless guy. Doesn't really look like Tony.
McGee: Give him a few years.
Actually she told me that I'd get to play a government agent, you know, like Jason Bourne. Instead of course I get Jason Boring.
Tiny Tony
Tony: How long have I been working for NCIS?
Tiny Tony: Long enough that you should be making better money. Wait for it...wait for it....yup. You're pathetic.
Tall Tony: I'm not even that good at memorizing lines, but you were easy. You have no life.
Tiny Tony: It's true. No wife, no kids, no hobbies. Same job, same apartment. Nothing changes with you.
Did you happen to catch her name, DiNozzo, or is that not the way dates work anymore?
Gibbs
Gibbs: How did you meet her the first time?
Tony: I met her in a bar.
Gibbs: Let me guess. She approached you.
Tony: They usually do, but...I was a target.
Gibbs: An easy one!
I mean I get swindled by a bimbo, I've got Laurel and Hardy impersonating me. What about the third guy? Is he a buffoon? Is that who I am?
Tony
I feel like I don't know who I am. And it's strange, because she stole my identity, right? But I feel like I already lost my identity. What is this? Seriously, is this some kind of weird metaphor for my current psychological state?
Tony
Gibbs: So listen. Stretch. This isn't a game. You've got one shot at your friend. No fooling around.
Tall Tony: Don't worry. I'm an actor.
Gibbs: Yeah. That's what I'm worried about.
