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Ncis

Tony: Long distance can be hard. Tell a friend from Tel-Aviv?
Ziva: You're jealous.
Tony: I'm not jealous.
Ziva: Yes you are.
Tony: No I'm not, and I'm not arguing, boss.
McGee: Are to!
Tony: Am not!

Tony: He got a name?
Ziva: Who?
Tony: Star of David.
Ziva: Oh him, yes he has a name.
Tony: Trevor? Bruce? Marmaduke?
Ziva: Michael.
Tony: Um, he sounded more like a Bruce than a Michael on the phone.

McGee, not me? McGoo, you?

Tony

Ziva: After out last trip to LA, I do not understand why you would think I would be such an eager platypus, Tony.
Tony: Beaver, eager beaver. Not platypus. (pause) Why does that bother me so much? Don't answer that! (Ziva's cell rings) Answer that!

Ziva: Tony, do you have to do that now?
Tony: It's spring. I'm spring-cleaning, so... yes!
Ziva: Spring-cleaning?
McGee: You don't have spring-cleaning in Isreal?
Ziva: We do not have spring. Israel is a desert.

You look pretty good for a dead guy, except for the blood draining from your face.

Abby (to Major King)

Major King: What did I do wrong?
Abby: You made me care about you.

(in an "anchorman" voice) In a tragic story of obsessive hobbying turned deadly, an NCIS Agent was discovered in his basement crushed between a large, homemade boat and an even larger bottle of bourbon. Film at eleven!

Tony

Tony: Oh, glad you could join us McTardy.
McGee: Where's the bossman? I need a superior to sign off on this.
Tony: Hand it over, I'm clearly superior to you in so many ways.

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