New Girl
Tuesdays 8:30 PM on FOXPopular New Girl Quotes
Hey tiger, you're having sex tonight. Don't give me that look, just do it!
Jess
Oh yea, it's...your baby. It's cute. Yea, your baby's cute.
Nick
Nick: I'm not going to a black barber shop, Winston. I've seen the movies. I know how fast they talk. I don't need to seem any less cool than I already do.
Schmidt: Wanna go to my salon?
So head's up, Paul's coming tonight. And I just wanted to tell you that I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.
Jess
Are you like a Bond villain? You just told me your whole plan.
Schmidt
I saw your registry. I'm gonna get you one of those portable baby pumps. You're just out there, in everyday life. But you're pumping yourself at the same time, just milking away.
Schmidt
Jess: Do you think Paul watches stuff like that?
Nick: Yep
Schmidt: All the time
Winston: He's probably watching it right now.
Nick: I was sixteen! I have gotten a lot better!
Schmidt: You haven't gotten that much better. I used to listen to you and Caroline all the time when we were in college. It was like listening to a rescue crew trying to communicate with a stranded minor. "Are you ok? Yea. Are you ok? Yea".
Nick: I'm fantastic at sex!
Winston: You're scared to get a haircut!
Nick: Yea, I don't like getting a haircut, it's too intimate. What does that have to do with sex?
Jess: I messed up. He ran away, he got scared.
Winston: Why would he get scared?
Jess: Because I choked him. I lightly choked him.
I don't care if it sounds like a man covered in bells falling down a set of stairs... that are also covered in bells.
Jess
I could pretend to be more like you, Jess, and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time.
Nick
