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New-girl

Wow. I mean, look at his thighs. They're like fleshy tree trunks. Whoa, he really knows how to work a crowd. His thighs are like the size of my head.

Robbie

Nick: I didn't punch a girl. I punched a horrifying monster. You of all people should know this, Frankenstein!
Frankenstein: You're the real monster!

Jess [whispering]: Sam's in there.
Nick [whispering]: Yeah, and Amelia's in there. High five for sluts!

What am I looking at here? Robbie, man to man, you didn't want to wear something a little more form-flattering, maybe like a pile of towels? Or the number 8?

Schmidt [about Rob's green spandex]

I may not be Abraham Lincoln. But I witnessed the emancipation of one black guy tonight.

Schmidt

Cece: I know you have more costumes in your closet.
Schmidt: Those costumes are for Purim.

Without sex, she's not your girlfriend. She's a friend you buy meals for.

Schmidt
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