You can't outrun the Jewish!

Schmidt

My face touched the mustache of a corpse today, Bobby. I'm not afraid of you.

Schmidt

Maybe none of us should go to this funeral. The early buzz on this thing is it's gonna be a real drag.

Schmidt

Don't laugh when they call him "responsible," they don't know why it's hilarious.

Schmidt

There are plenty of things to be down about--the deficit, air pollution in China, "The Hobbit" wasn't very good...

Schmidt

Schmidt: Does it say "share stuff" in the Constitution of America? No, it does not. Nicholas, what does it say?
Nick: Don't share stuff.

Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!

New Girl Quotes

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt