You can't outrun the Jewish!


My face touched the mustache of a corpse today, Bobby. I'm not afraid of you.


Maybe none of us should go to this funeral. The early buzz on this thing is it's gonna be a real drag.


Don't laugh when they call him "responsible," they don't know why it's hilarious.


There are plenty of things to be down about--the deficit, air pollution in China, "The Hobbit" wasn't very good...


Schmidt: Does it say "share stuff" in the Constitution of America? No, it does not. Nicholas, what does it say?
Nick: Don't share stuff.

Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.


I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"