No, in your heart of hearts, you know as well as I do, red velvet is bullsh*t. It tastes like Play-Doh. It is not velvety. And the only thing that's good about it is the cream cheese frosting, which is mean to live on top of carrot cake, like God intended.

O'Neill

Piper: I spent a lot of time wondering if it would matter if I died.
Nicky: In the macro sense, no. You're one Cheerio in the bulk box of life. But, you f*ckin' tickle me, so I think it would matter.

'Cause if you were a Christian, you could tell everybody what to do, and then they'd do it so they don't hurt your feelings, because that's against the law.

Pennsatucky

I like hot girls. And I like hot boys. I like hot people. What can I say? I'm shallow.

Piper

Sam: Why?
Piper: Why isn't this the Radisson?
Sam: Why do you need to be moved? Did somebody try to engage with you?

I just didn't expect to be punished... while I was being punished.

Piper

Piper: One of my roommates has a massive heart attack when she got here.
Larry: OK - you are not allowed to have a heart attack.

There's no point in playin' shy baby. You're home.

Sophia

Maybe this is a bad time to say hi.

Alex

Why would anyone ever give up being a man? That's like winning the lottery and giving back the ticket.

Figueroa

Sophia: I made my own. Commissary don't carry a size 13.
Piper: Is that duct tape?
Sophia: Metallics are very in this season.

Piper: She's issued a Fatwa against me. I think I'm gonna have to fight her.
Larry: What?
Piper: How am I going to fight an old Russian lady with back problems?

Orange is the New Black Quotes

Piper: I spent a lot of time wondering if it would matter if I died.
Nicky: In the macro sense, no. You're one Cheerio in the bulk box of life. But, you f*ckin' tickle me, so I think it would matter.

No, in your heart of hearts, you know as well as I do, red velvet is bullsh*t. It tastes like Play-Doh. It is not velvety. And the only thing that's good about it is the cream cheese frosting, which is mean to live on top of carrot cake, like God intended.

O'Neill