No, in your heart of hearts, you know as well as I do, red velvet is bullsh*t. It tastes like Play-Doh. It is not velvety. And the only thing that's good about it is the cream cheese frosting, which is mean to live on top of carrot cake, like God intended.

O'Neill

Piper: One of my roommates has a massive heart attack when she got here.
Larry: OK - you are not allowed to have a heart attack.

Piper: She's issued a Fatwa against me. I think I'm gonna have to fight her.
Larry: What?
Piper: How am I going to fight an old Russian lady with back problems?

Maybe this is a bad time to say hi.

Alex

Sam: Why?
Piper: Why isn't this the Radisson?
Sam: Why do you need to be moved? Did somebody try to engage with you?

I just didn't expect to be punished... while I was being punished.

Piper

You love adventure, right? And that's what got you in there. This is all just a big adventure with liver, and yoga Jones and racism.

Larry

Sophia: I made my own. Commissary don't carry a size 13.
Piper: Is that duct tape?
Sophia: Metallics are very in this season.

There's no point in playin' shy baby. You're home.

Sophia

Why would anyone ever give up being a man? That's like winning the lottery and giving back the ticket.

Figueroa

I want you to understand. You do not have to have lesbian sex.

Sam Healy

Piper: I'm not you wife.
Crazy Eyes: I threw my pie for you.

Orange is the New Black Quotes

No, in your heart of hearts, you know as well as I do, red velvet is bullsh*t. It tastes like Play-Doh. It is not velvety. And the only thing that's good about it is the cream cheese frosting, which is mean to live on top of carrot cake, like God intended.

O'Neill

I want you to understand. You do not have to have lesbian sex.

Sam Healy