I ruined my miracle by getting thrown in the SHU. Which was seriously the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Even counting that time I smoked crack thinking it was meth and then took four shots of Everclear and ate cat poop.


Daya: You make it sound like she's drugs.
Aledia: The worst kind. She's gonna make you feel better than you ever thought you could, then drain all your money and ruin your life. You're always gonna need her. And even when you hate her, you're gonna love her.

I have a birthmark on my left butt cheek that's shaped like a scarab. Doesn't make me Cleopatra.


Because I wear protection, so I haven't caught whatever form of syphilis you have that caused your soul to rot.


I don't have rage. I'm just sad.


I made kids, and then I fucked them up.


Taystee: You got to stop using slavery as every time you wanna justify some foolishness.
Black Cindy: I'm just using it as a placeholder until I become Jewish, and I can pin it on Hitler.

You know what the worst part of becoming a woman is? Having to participate in this catty, backstabby bullshit!


Hardcore? I worked with the Russian mafia. We make the Italians look like guppies.


Nice group you got here. Congrats on nothing.


Big Boo: Did he force you?
Pennsatucky: Well, I'm not gonna lie. I mean, I could've used a bit of a warm-up. Doesn't really feel any good when you're not ready.
Big Boo: You know there's a word for that, right?
Pennsatucky: No. No, it's not his fault. I was the one. I was flirting too much. I was smiling, and I was really confusing.

See, I don't believe it. If that lady were getting it on the regular with two dudes, she would not be sweating a rosemary garnish.


Orange is the New Black Quotes

No, in your heart of hearts, you know as well as I do, red velvet is bullsh*t. It tastes like Play-Doh. It is not velvety. And the only thing that's good about it is the cream cheese frosting, which is mean to live on top of carrot cake, like God intended.


All I wanted was to eat the chicken that was smarter than other chickens and to absorb its power and enjoy a nice Chicken Kiev but, oh well.