Parks and Recreation Season 3 Episode 12: "Eagleton" Quotes
I don't like loud noises and people making a fuss. And I especially don't like people celebrating, because they know a piece of private information about me. Plus the whole thing is a scam. Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.
Ron
Leslie: I am so sick of this Lindsey-
Tom: Leslie, I've got this. You listen to me Lindsey Carlisle-Shea! Why don't you take your fancy dog, get in your Escalade, and if you've got any job openings maybe you should let me know about them.
Ben: C'mon, man-
Tom: No! I'm sick of being treated like I'm not willing to relocate to Eagleton. Because I am! So, here's what you can do, lady. Take this resume, and shove it in your human resources box.
Andy: OOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Yea, shove it there!
Leslie: Do you remember what you said to me five years ago when Eagleton offered me that job and I asked you for your advice?
Ron: Do whatever the hell you want. What do I care?
Leslie: Right, but then after, when I pressed you, what did you say?
Ron: I believe I said that I thought we worked well together, and that I might disagree with your philosophy but I respected you. And I said that you'll get a lot of job offers in your life but you only have one hometown.
Leslie: Yes, that's how I remember it.
The only thing I'm guilty of is loving Pawnee. And punching Lindsay in the face and shoving a coffee filter down her pants.
Leslie
Oh dude, you forgot to put a shirt on. Don't worry I do it all the time.
Andy
I doth proclaim to be a stupid fart face.
Leslie
It's not for me. These waffles make great dog laxatives.
Lindsay
Did you guys get your public forum gift bag? There's an iPod Touch in here.
Tom
Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.
Ron
Fixed her "deviated septum" and lost 35 pounds. And lost something else... what was it again? Oh yeah, her soul.
Leslie
Ron refuses to tell anyone when his birthday is. He's even had it redacted on all government documents.
Leslie
