Tom: You’re like a crazy volcano. You’ll have to bring it down a notch.
Craig: I’ll bring it down a dozen notches if I have to!

I’ll have a glass of your most expensive red wine mixed with a glass of your cheapest white wine served in a dog bowl. Silly straws all around, please.


It’s your me. It’s wife.


I think we can agree that all wine tastes the same and if you spend any more than 5 dollars on wine, you are very stupid!


This comes from your mother’s butt.


Ben: I really like you, but you are a terrible person to talk to about personal stuff.
Ron: Thank you, that means a lot to me.

I need the good stuff. The “Mariah needs to sing tonight” stuff.


Andy: If you do collapse, I know first aid, er karate.
Leslie: That’s not first aid.
Andy: It is if you do it right! Heimlich!

I don’t drink alcohol from that portion of the color system.


My name is Craig Middlebrooks and this is my debit rewards card!