Parks and Recreation Quotes
Leslie: Commit this to memory. You see him, you stomp him. Knock his head off if you have to.
Dave: Don't do that.
Leslie: Don't do that. But I give you permission to use excessive force.
Dave: Don't use excessive force.
Leslie: Don't go overboard. Just stop him, by any means necessary.
Dave: No.
Leslie: No. Just stop him. (under breath) You know what I mean.
Leslie: William Percy. One of Pawnee's greatest mayors, and a true hero. During the Pawnee bread factory fire of 1922, he ran back into a burning building and saved the beloved secret recipe for Pawnee pumpernickel.
Dave: Didn't like 30 people die in that fire?
Leslie: He wasn't Superman.
Ann: That looks like something you would find on the wall of a serial killer.
Leslie: In a way, that's a compliment. Shows dedication.
Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's just the best. And I don't have to work! Hey slutty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens... pump your own stomachs this year!
Ann
He's like an invisible, adolescent, James Bond super villain criminal mastermind. Or maybe someone else is doing it.
Leslie
Kaboom is a word I made up. It's not in any dictionary. I trick people into building playgrounds in empty lots in their neighborhoods. It's an elaborate prank. For my next prank, I'm going to build a hospital in a poor part of China. They'll never see it coming.
Keef
How does taking risks make me feel? Amazing. Tingling sensation throughout my whole body. I feel flushed. My muscles are relaxed yet I feel awake. Just waves of pleasure. I wish there was something physical that could make me feel this way.
Leslie
Leslie, the man lived in a pit. OK, he couldn't find a place to live on the Earth's surface so he went under the ground. You're dealing with a grown man who thinks like a gopher.
Ann [about Mark]
Hey, Andy, it's your aunt. You mom or dad's sister. I don't know how to tell you this, but your uncle has passed. He's with Jesus now. So we're having a memorial in 30 minutes at City Hall.
Leslie [on Andy's voicemail]
If you want to meet, just put a white chalk X on the mailbox across the street from city hall. Or call me back. Just call me back.
Leslie [on Andy's voicemail]
Sometimes when you make an omelet you've gotta break a few eggs. What's the alternative? No omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.
Leslie
Andy [about Mark]: I don't get it. What does he have that I don't have?
Ann: Are you serious?
Andy: Yeah.
Ann: Everything. He has literally everything you don't have. A job, a car, a steady income, an address, a second pair of shoes, table manners, the ability to say tampon without giggling.
