Tom: We had dinner last night and breakfast this morning. What were we doing in between? Sex stuff.
Lucy: You guys know Tom really well so I don't have to apologize for his behavior, right?

Sorry we're late. I had to wait on my girlfriend to finish eating breakfast.

Tom

Can you go pick up Freddy Spaghetti in your Mercedes? We need to give him the star treatment.

Leslie

Right off the bat, we sell city hall. Let somebody turn it into a large gas station or a TJ Maxx.

Ron

I'm an official member of a task force dedicated to slashing the city budget. Just saying that gave me a semi.

Ron

Ben: We need to cut expenditures by 32 percent.
Ron: Let's make it an even 40.

Ann: Do you think anybody's going to show up?
Leslie: A) Yes. B) Even if they don't, we'll just put the concert on ourselves. But C) Yes, yes. They're definitely going to show up. Although D) Maybe not.

Pawnee's kids are less important than poop tubes.

Leslie

The only guy that I care about right now is six feet tall with wild crazy hair and a ukulele that doubles as a water gun. Freddy Spaghetti.

Leslie

Less man time, more Ann time.

Leslie

Don't make it last very long. Ladies don't like that.

Leslie

Leslie: Is this a bad time?
Tom: Lucy's here, I'm in my sexy pajamas. I just took four Benadryls to dull my sensitivity. Yes.
Leslie: You're about to have sex.
Tom: Why else would Boyz II Men's "On Bended Knee" be playing right now.

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes

Sometimes when you make an omelet you've gotta break a few eggs. What's the alternative? No omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.

Leslie

There isn't a woman alive who doesn't love diamonds. Even the super left wing chicks who saw Blood Diamond and cried. When they get a diamond, they like, "yeah, bitch, get more of them blood diamonds. Make 'em extra bloody."

Tom