Tom: We had dinner last night and breakfast this morning. What were we doing in between? Sex stuff.
Lucy: You guys know Tom really well so I don't have to apologize for his behavior, right?

Sorry we're late. I had to wait on my girlfriend to finish eating breakfast.

Tom

Can you go pick up Freddy Spaghetti in your Mercedes? We need to give him the star treatment.

Leslie

Right off the bat, we sell city hall. Let somebody turn it into a large gas station or a TJ Maxx.

Ron

I'm an official member of a task force dedicated to slashing the city budget. Just saying that gave me a semi.

Ron

Ben: We need to cut expenditures by 32 percent.
Ron: Let's make it an even 40.

Ann: Do you think anybody's going to show up?
Leslie: A) Yes. B) Even if they don't, we'll just put the concert on ourselves. But C) Yes, yes. They're definitely going to show up. Although D) Maybe not.

Pawnee's kids are less important than poop tubes.

Leslie

The only guy that I care about right now is six feet tall with wild crazy hair and a ukulele that doubles as a water gun. Freddy Spaghetti.

Leslie

Less man time, more Ann time.

Leslie

Don't make it last very long. Ladies don't like that.

Leslie

Leslie: Is this a bad time?
Tom: Lucy's here, I'm in my sexy pajamas. I just took four Benadryls to dull my sensitivity. Yes.
Leslie: You're about to have sex.
Tom: Why else would Boyz II Men's "On Bended Knee" be playing right now.

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes

Andy: I just wrote a new song, OK? Bottom line: it's called "sex hair." It's about how you can tell when someone just had sex 'cause of how their hair gets matted up in the back. It's awesome.

Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.