With the government shut down, who's going to stop Al Qaeda?


No one is more upset about this than I am. Not like it's a competition or anything. 'Cause if it was, I would win, but that's neither here nor there. The point is I would win.


Got a really good deal on my lease. Paying like 12 percent interest. That's like one of the highest you can get.


Andy: How long is it going to last?
Ron: If we're lucky this building will be empty for months.

Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.

Leslie: I really made love to the pooch on this one.
Ron: Screwed the pooch?
Leslie: I don't like that term. It's too vulgar.

I tried to Photoshop it to make it look like they were happy. It was really hard. Their mouths are so old.


You really shouldn't be leading us. If you're menstruating, you'll attract bears.


Tom: We need to do something to distract from this... boring area. Now I didn't want to have to do this but we may have to go nude.
Ann: Goodbye, Tom.

Tom: In a million years, I never thought you'd be the problem with this photo shoot.
Ann: Didn't you just plan this like two hours ago?

Hey, if there's anyone out there that's doing a photo shoot about the dangers of eating undercooked chicken, I can give you Ann's phone number.


Tom: Come on, Ann, what are we doing? Maxim or Good Housekeeping?
Ann: I'm not sure which one is the insult.

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

I've seen you look at her ass when she leaves the room. You love her.