Reaper

Reaper Season 1 Quotes

Episode 18: "Cancun"

Ben: You're a marked man.
Sam: So, I get it. I understand if you guys can't hang out anymore.
Sock: I am sorry, Sam. But we are not here to listen to you whine about which dark army has marked you for death. Ok? We are here right now to honor the passing of the man who may or may not have been your biological father.
Ben: Well said, Sock.
Sock: Thank you. I recommend lighting the right foot and then running like hell
 • Rating: Unrated

Sam: Evidently, I'm destined to end the world. I can't let that happen.
Sock: Well, you know what? You're not really good at anything, so you'd probably screw that up, too
 • Rating: Unrated

Sock: You know what, Sammy, I don't know what to tell you to make you feel better right now, I don't. But I do know how to blow stuff up. So I figured, play to my strengths, right?
 • Rating: Unrated

Devil: Oh look, Sammy, I have too much respect to lie to you, so I tell you in advance that I am most probably going to lie to you. I'm the Devil, Sam, lying is kind of like my whole bag.
Sam: Yeah, well I figured as much.
Devil: Smart boy
 • Rating: Unrated

Tony: You made it. You made it to Heaven.
Steve: It's even better than Cancun
 • Rating: Unrated

Sock: It's an unbelievable rush. I don't even know how to describe it. All I know is that one kiss from her and I felt better than I've ever felt in my entire life.
Ben: What does that even mean?
Sock: Okay, do you know how good you feel when you wear your bike pants?
Ben: Yeah.
Sock: Yeah, it's like that times twenty
Ben: Oh. I want a taste
 • Rating: Unrated

Marlana: Every time I kiss you, it sort of shaves about a year off of your life.
Sock: Uh, but that would be the ass end of my life, right? The crappy years?
 • Rating: Unrated

Andi: It's because she's hot. This is your process? I spent hours on the phone and you guys just let your crotches be your guide.
Sam: And yet, the job always gets done
 • Rating: Unrated

Andi: Why did God appear to Moses as a burning bush? Or why do angels appear in dreams? Maybe it's because they need to prepare you with signs, you know? Or maybe they just like messing with your head
 • Rating: Unrated

Sam: She read Tarot cards?
Devil: Yeah, she was the real deal. Sold her soul to me for the power to predict the future. Earned quite a reputation for herself until the local villagers hung her from a tree for consorting with the Devil. Surprisingly perceptive for a bunch of clods with pitchforks
 • Rating: Unrated

Sam: Are you saying they're lying?
Devil: Listen, Sammy, they're your parents and you love them. But people who make deals with me generally aren't big on integrity. You can't get blood from a stone, I'm just saying
 • Rating: Unrated

Devil: You know, I got to say, this is one of my greatest inventions.
Sam: You invented the lottery?
Devil: You betcha. State-sponsored gambling. Minimum wage earners spending their last buck on an 18 million to one long shot. I like to call it the idiot's tax
 • Rating: Unrated

Sam: At least they hooked you up with that weird suit.
Ben: Yeah it was a present from an attempted murderer I met.
Sock: That's an attempted murderer suit?
Ben: Yes.
Sock: Nice. Can I try on the jacket?
Ben: Hands off.
Sock: I let you try on my homeless guy pants. Come on.
Ben: Not the same
 • Rating: Unrated

Sock: This is the first and last time you will ever hear me say these words, but we shouldn't be drinking tonight
 • Rating: Unrated

Devil: That cage will never work on me. It might hold a demon, but come on... I'm the man!
 • Rating: Unrated

Episode 17: "The Leak"

Sock: I'm gonna say a prayer when we do it.
Sam: Sock, she's a demon. I don't' think she'd want prayers.
Sock: I'm gonna sing some Sabbath when we do it.
Andi: That'll be real nice, Sock
 • Rating: Unrated

Josie: First off, you're a complete moron to even be in this situation.
Ben: No one disputes that I'm a moron.
Sock: I tried to stop him, baby.
Ben: No you didn't.
Sock: No I didn
 • Rating: Unrated

Andi: What, you guys couldn't even wear one of your tuxedo t-shirts. I mean, I know each one of you have one.
Ben: Actually, there's just the one. We share.
Sock: It's a rotation
 • Rating: Unrated

Devil: Yeah, it took a lot of elbow grease, a lot of limbs rent from a lot of torsos. But everybody started singling like canaries. Now Hell is sealed tight as a drum. And now, if I'm not mistaken, there's a demon about pitchfork deep in Mike's ass as we speak.
Sam: Mike was just in my elevator.
Devil: Not now, Winston, not now. I'm not gonna to lie to you, Sammy. I have some serious egg on my face. You know, I'm starting to feel that maybe torture isn't the way to get what you want, you know, like maybe people just tell you what you want to hear so that you stop pulling out their fingernails
 • Rating: Unrated

Ben: Naked photos in a family album, Sock?
Sock: Yeah, Ben, that's what loving couples do, okay? Josie and I have enough photos of each other's junk to fill a library. Plus, Johnny Immigration will be so shocked he'll have no choice but to believe you guys are together.
Sara: That makes some sense.
Sock: Yeah, that's why I said it
 • Rating: Unrated

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