Reaper Season 1 Quotes
Sock: Did you hook up with Sara?
Ben: No, no. I... no! I just... got married.
Sock: What the Hell are you talking about?
Ben: She needed a green card and I felt sorry for her, okay? And look, it just happened all really quickly.
Sam: Yeah, so she's living here now?
Ben: Just for a little while, you know. Just to make it look real.
Sock: You are too stupid to exist!
Ben: Why? I like Sara. I think she's great. I think she'd make an excellent citizen, and she paid me 1,600 bucks.
Sock: You know, I take it all back, buddy. That is awesome. That is outstanding. She is beautiful! Beautiful! We got married!
Andi: Outside the hospital, when you told me that you loved me, did you say that because you meant it, or because you didn't want me to go to the cops?
Sam: Both
Ben: Where is the place that women have babies?
Cassidy: Aren't you a little old to just be figuring that out?
Ben: No, I... I know where women have babies. I was.. um... referring to... where the room is, yeah.
Sock [filling out fake application forms]: What college did you attend?
Sam: Harvard.
Sock: I went to Oxford.
Sam: Yeah, but I also went to Yale Medical School
Sock: I research alternate power sources.
Sam: I have a 4-foot vertical leap
Now listen to me, Ben. I'm going to spit some scientific fact at you. The longer most men are in a relationship, the happier they get. The opposite is true for the lady folk, okay? So we would just like to see you happy making a woman miserable, like we're both doing
Sock
Devil: That is my private, and I do mean private cell phone number.
Sam: What area code is this?
Devil: Phoenix
Sam: I thought you didn't believe in love?
Devil: I don't believe that humans can feel true pure love. But I know that it exists. I've experienced it myself. I'm not human, remember?
Sam: You actually loved somebody? Who? [Devil looks up] You mean God? Didn't you try to overthrow him or something.
Devil: Well, let's just say we had a little fight. I may have been a tad impetuous.
Sam: But you loved him.
Devil: With everything that I was, I loved him. And he loved all of us, too
Josie: For the record, I dated you because you're sweet, you don't care what other people think, and you made me laugh.
Sock: I am all of those things. So, ummm... wanna make out?
Tony: Sam is the Devil's friend.
Sam: Uh, to be clear, I'm not friends with him. He's just kinda clingy
Ted: But she did call me over to her place tonight to help her hook up her DVR. And I think we all know what that means.
Sock: Yeah, that means she wants you to hook up her DVR.
Ted: No, hooking up any appliance is classic gay porn terminology for getting it on. And I'm pretty sure that that translates over to the hetero arena
Bob: My name is Bob and I'm a demon.
Everyone: Hi, Bob!
Bob: I had a rough week. Started off great. I rode around on Monday, collecting recyclables. Then I dropped coins into expired meters. Then I tried to eat a child. I knew right away it was wrong, so I untied the kid and called my sponsor Randy
It's really nice to see that even though I've clearly moved on, that my mark is still all over you. Like dog pee on a pretty, pretty little tree
Sock [to Josie]