Tuesdays 9:00 PM on USA
Royal-pains

I am better at starting relationships than deepening them.

Hank

Jill: So what was it like to watch your little brother get married?
Hank: It was weird. To me he's still the kid who ate $.85 in nickels on a dare.

Evan: Why don't we just put two tables together—
Paige: They're round! You can't push to two round tables together, it won't work!

FYI not good for business when the doctor looks sick.

Ken

Eddie R. [about Hank's cell phone]: Really, Hank, On Hannukah?
Hank: I am so sorry, Rabbi Lawson!

Is there a condition known as mental frostbite?

Evan [of Paige]

You know what they say, when you marry someone you're not marrying their family.... oh, wait, you are marrying their family. I am terribly sorry...

Divya [to Paige]

Did we lose our minds?

Divya [to Rafa]

Owen: I know you're thinking that Owen has gained a few pounds since the last time you saw him. But I want you to know, I am on The Lipitor.
Hank: Do you know that The Lipitor is not the substitute for the good eating habits?

Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 11 in total