Scrubs Season 2 Episode 6: "My Big Brother" Quotes
J.D.: Why are you here?
Carla: Oh, uh, Room 310's test came back negative, I thought you might want to give him the good news.
Dan: Let me do it.
J.D.: What?
Dan: I can totally be a doctor.
J.D.: I can't let you tell him!
Dan: I won't call you Bambi anymore.
J.D.: You need to understand, Elliot, Dan wasn't just the captain of every team - he was like the mayor of our high school. The jocks dug him, the burn-outs dug him, the nerds, like, worshipped him!
Elliot: What about you?
Dan: He mentioned the nerds.
J.D.: See, why hurt me?
Elliot: Yeah, I thought I was gonna be cool in high school for like five minutes, but then my dad made me play the tuba in the marching band and I developed massive forearms. Halfway through the prom, my silk gloves exploded off me like I was the Incredible Hulk.
Dan: You know I think it's sexy to dance with a woman who can lift her partner over her head.
Dr. Cox: Hey, Ghandi. For your information, I attended that poor vegetable's funeral every single time I set foot in his room over the last six weeks. Thank God the family finally moved him over to Surgery, where you guys were good enough to help him kick that nasty oxygen habit he had once and for all.
Turk: Oh, that's great - make jokes. You know, I wish I could be an insensitive, cynical robo-doc like you, but unfortunately, I don't hate the world enough. You know what I'm saying, chief?
Dan: So, while I'm here, we should play some frisbee golf, we should... maybe give dad a call... Dad. Oh, we should definitely make sure I sleep with that Elliot chick.
J.D.: That's a little weird for me 'cause... I don't know if you'd know this or not, but... we used to be intimate.
Dan: Int-inimate? What'd you do, bathe her?
J.D.: Yeah, once... but she was wearing a swimsuit.
Dr. Cox: God, I hate Halloween!
Carla: Somebody needs to adjust their attitude if they want some candy.
Dr. Cox: You mean the popcorn balls and the deformed lollipos? I mean, honestly, where do you get this crap anyway?
Laverne: I made it! If you want name-brand candy, my fist is packed with peanuts!
Dr. Cox: You stood up for what you believe in, and I respect that.
Turk: Thank you.
Dr. Cox: Twenty bucks says you kill him.
Turk: You're on!
Dr. Kelso: Finally, can anyone tell me the dermatologic condition associated with rhinophyma... Dr. Murphy?
Doug: Uh, could it be... psoriasis?
Dr. Kelso: And yet further proof that the clown costume is redundant.
Dr. Kelso: Now if any of you other would-be revelers get the urge to dress up on this, the mother of all non-holidays, please consider me the razor blade in your caramel apple. We're professionals, dammit! You know... it's nothing personal, son... you just make me sick.
Doug: He called me son! He called me son!
J.D.: Score.
Elliot: So, uh, you going to lunch with your brother?
J.D.: Yeah, I... well, you know, I would've invited you, but I already made the reservation for two.
Elliot: So call and change it to three.
J.D.: Ohh, I'm not gonna mess with that hostess. You know, she uses sharp tones.
Janitor: Trick.
J.D.: Excuse me?
Janitor: I just figure you gotta be wondering, "Am I gonna get a trick, or am I gonna get a treat?" You'll be getting a trick.
J.D.: Whatever.
Janitor: It'll be fast, and you won't even know it's me.
J.D.: You just told me it was gonna be you.
Janitor: You'll still have your doubts.
Turk: Dr. Wen, I want you to stay focused, okay? I want Dr. Wen to be Dr. Zen, man!
Dr. Wen: Christopher, after fifteen years and over ten thousand surgeries, I think I can do without the pep-talk.
Turk: Message received, sir... I believe in you.
