Scrubs

Scrubs Quotes

Season 9 Episode 13: "Our Thanks"

Denise [to Lucy after she yells at a cadaver]: Hey stop being weird, I'm trying to be my sandwich around some corpses.
Lucy: Why are you eating your lunch in here?
Denise: Why are you yelling at a dead guy? See, we all have a lot of questions.
 • Rating: Unrated

Drew: Everything I own is in this box.
Lucy: A hat, some ramen, and a car battery? Don't you have personal things?
Drew: I had that battery a long time.
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: Surgery is long, tedious and boring.
Cole: Oh I get it, like episodes of Entourage that revolve around Turtle.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cole: I already know what i'm going to call my surgical practice. Cole Cutz.
Turk: With a z?
Cole: That's right! Man, you gotta knock before you enter Cole's brain.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Drew: I'm actually going to return those pants. They were skinny jeans and I couldn't pull them off. Literally. Took me like an hour to get them off.
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: You don't want to be a surgeon, Cole, it's boring and it sucks. It's the complete opposite of a water slide.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cole: Do you believe in fate? Like the stuff they talk about in the boring parts of Lost.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cole: I always thought a surgeon would hook me with some sweet calf implants or a robot arm, but I never thought one would save my life.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: The ceremony of thanks is quickly approaching.
Turk: That's where you publicly thank the fmilies of the cadavers you've been dissecting this semester.
Dr. Cox: It's actually a pretty sweet deal for them. After their loved ones are stripped for parts like a 1998 Mitsubishi Mirage, we treat them to some free cold cuts and a chance to hear you regurgitate some trite quotes about their family members sacrifice that you found on the Internet.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lucy: They say that by the end of yoru first semester of med school, it's obvious what kind of doctor you'll become.
Cox: Him?
Turk: Who? Trang?
Cox: Small hands, great with the ladies? OB/GYN.
Turk: More like a shopping mall pretzel vendor.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 9 Episode 12: "Our Driving Issues"

Cox: About as ridiculous as your five o'clock shadow. There's times I'm doing rounds and I feel like I'm teaching Yasser Arafat.
Denise: Really? I see a slightly gayer George Michael.
Cox: Oh, I so see that.
Drew: Could you please be more alike?
 • Rating: Unrated

Denise: What's going on? You texted that someone was coding in here.
Dr. Cox: You texted me, "come and show me your boobs."
Drew: I may have switched those texts, which does raise the question, why did you come, Dr. Cox?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cole [impersonating Lucy]: I think horses should go into space.
Lucy: I never said that. Why would I want fewer horses on Earth? That's crazy.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kelso: Thanks again Turkleton for giving me the lift. Hitching rides with the students was not working out. The constant stops at keg parties and strip clubs. They just weren't into them. Hey, nobody hustles Kelso while in the champagne room. That is my house.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cox: Set my DVR to record The Big Bang Theory. The whole world is watching this thing and I need to know why.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kelso: You have no idea how many times I've been out late and had to pass on my seventh drink. No more Mr. Responsible.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cole: Lucy, it's not cancer cancer. That kind of cancer is for uglies and people who put laptops on their balls.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cole: Check it, I put orange soda in my IV bag, I'm like a hamster yo.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Denise: That's exactly what Trang needed. Driving back and forth in the parking lot, reinforcing every stereotype of Asian drivers.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Hey talking man baby, come here. I am parked in the ten minute parking zone.
Trang: You want me to move your car?
Dr. Cox: No, I love the space. What I want you to do is pull out of and then back into the space every ten minutes. If you get bored, here's a deck of cards and a ball.
 • Rating: Unrated

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