Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday...

Jordan

Jordan:I'm taking Jack to my mother's for a few months. Perry: Yes,but who'll be taking care of Jack while you and your mother go out marauding for flesh?

"If there is something you know you can do, whether it's intubating a patient, or copping a squat on the roof, and your mind keeps throwing up road blocks, just know you can drive right through them..."

Dr. Casey

Denise [to Lucy after she yells at a cadaver]: Hey stop being weird, I'm trying to be my sandwich around some corpses.
Lucy: Why are you eating your lunch in here?
Denise: Why are you yelling at a dead guy? See, we all have a lot of questions.

Drew: Everything I own is in this box.
Lucy: A hat, some ramen, and a car battery? Don't you have personal things?
Drew: I had that battery a long time.

Turk: Surgery is long, tedious and boring.
Cole: Oh I get it, like episodes of Entourage that revolve around Turtle.

Cole: I already know what i'm going to call my surgical practice. Cole Cutz.
Turk: With a z?
Cole: That's right! Man, you gotta knock before you enter Cole's brain.

I'm actually going to return those pants. They were skinny jeans and I couldn't pull them off. Literally. Took me like an hour to get them off.

Drew

You don't want to be a surgeon, Cole, it's boring and it sucks. It's the complete opposite of a water slide.

Turk

Do you believe in fate? Like the stuff they talk about in the boring parts of Lost.

Cole

I always thought a surgeon would hook me with some sweet calf implants or a robot arm, but I never thought one would save my life.

Cole

Dr. Cox: The ceremony of thanks is quickly approaching.
Turk: That's where you publicly thank the fmilies of the cadavers you've been dissecting this semester.
Dr. Cox: It's actually a pretty sweet deal for them. After their loved ones are stripped for parts like a 1998 Mitsubishi Mirage, we treat them to some free cold cuts and a chance to hear you regurgitate some trite quotes about their family members sacrifice that you found on the Internet.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 4008 in total

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Scrubs Quotes

Check it, I put orange soda in my IV bag, I'm like a hamster yo.

Cole

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?

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