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The-big-bang-theory

... I can personally guarantee it has spent less than 20 minutes on an astronaut's penis.

Sheldon

Sheldon: Lipid residue. An anal autograph. A colon calling card, if you will.
Cleaner: Tuesday okay?

Sheldon: This cushion experienced a nude revenge wiggle.
Cleaner: A what?
Sheldon: A naked man sat on it.

I must be the bigger man. Therefore, you may use my spot until such time that I learn to drive or get a Batmobile.

Sheldon

Revenge is a dish best served nude.

Sheldon

Bernadette: Because I'm the one that had it towed.
Amy: You?
Bernadette: Didn't see that one coming, did ya?

Howard: Well, we appear to have reached an impasse. And, you know, I have to say, I thought you'd be more upset that your laptop is sitting on my junk.
Raj: I didn't pick up on that. That's a nice touch.

Raj: Okay, here's another one: if a zombie bites a vampire, and the vampire bites a human, does the human become a vampire or a zombie? Or, a zompire?

Bernadette: Gosh, Amy. I'm sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?
Penny: Damn.
Amy: Well, at least, when we do make love, Sheldon won't be thinking about his mother.

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