The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSThe Big Bang Theory Season 1 Quotes
Leonard: How long is [Leo] going to stay here?
Sheldon: He's a homeless drug addict, Leonard. Where's he going to go? Boy, you have a lot to learn about lying
Sheldon [knocking on Penny's door]: Penny, Penny, Penny...
[Penny opens the door]
Sheldon: Good morning.
Penny: Do you have any idea what time it is?
Sheldon: Of course I do, my watch is linked to the atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado. It's accurate to one-tenth of a second, but as I'm saying this it occurs to me once again your question may have been rhetorical
Sheldon: I'm uncomfortable having been included in your lie to Penny.
Leonard: What was I supposed to say?
Sheldon: You could have told her the truth.
Leonard: That would have hurt her feelings.
Sheldon: Is that a relevant factor?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Then I suppose you could have agreed to go.
Leonard: And what would I have said afterwards?
Sheldon: I would suggest something to the effect of, 'singing is neither an appropriate vocation nor avocation for you, and if you disagree I'd recommend you have a CAT scan to look for a tumor pressing on the cognitive processing centers of your brain
Leonard: Sheldon, we have to do this.
Sheldon: No, we don't. We have to take in nourishment, expel waste, and inhale enough oxygen to keep our cells from dying. Everything else is optional
Wolowitz: I just checked the house. There's probably 20, 25 people in there.
Leonard: You're kidding!
Penny: Is that all?
Leonard: "All?" In particle physics, 25 is Woodstock.
Penny: So, you know, isn't there maybe some way you and Sheldon could compromise on this whole presentation thing?
Leonard: No. Scientists do not compromise. Our minds are trained to synthesize facts and come to inarguable conclusions. Not to mention Sheldon is bat-crap crazy
Howard, would you like to explain to me why your Facebook page has a photo of me sleeping on your shoulder captioned, "Me and My Girlfriend?"
Penny
Leonard: Are there any other honors that I've gotten that I don't know about? Did UPS drop off a Nobel Prize with my name on it?
Sheldon: Leonard, please don't take this the wrong way, but the day you win a Nobel Prize is the day I begin my research on the drag co-efficient of tassels on flying carpets
Leonard [watching their fight on YouTube]: Oh, geez, does this suit really look that bad?
Sheldon: Forget your suit. Look at my arms flailing. I'm like a flamingo on Ritalin
Leonard: Sheldon, why is this letter in the trash?
Sheldon: Well, there's always the possibility that a trash can spontaneously formed around the letter, but Occam's Razor would suggest that someone threw it out
Leonard: You are not Isaac Newton.
Sheldon: No, no, that's true. Gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple
Sheldon: I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can.
Lalita: Really? So do I!
Raj: But you're a dentist, he's nuts
