The Big Bang Theory

The Big Bang Theory Season 1 Quotes (Page 7)

Season 1 Episode 4: "The Luminous Fish Effect"

Mary [to Raj]: I made chicken. I hope it's not one of the animals that you people think is magic
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Sheldon: This car weighs, let's say, 4,000 pounds. Now add 140 for me, 120 for you...
Penny: 120?!
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self-worth?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mary: Leonard, the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. Thankfully, he blessed me with two other children who were dumb as soup
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Wolowitz: Forgive me for being so bold, but I now see where Sheldon gets his smoldering good looks.
Mary: Honey, that ain't gonna work, but you keep trying.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sheldon: I can't believe he fired me.
Leonard: Well, you did call him a "glorified high school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts."
Sheldon: In my defense, I prefaced that with, "with all due respect."
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 3: "The Fuzzy Boots Corollary"

Sheldon: How was your date?
Leonard: Awesome!
Sheldon: Score one for liquor and poor judgment
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: I have got the Sword of Azeroth!
Leonard: Forget the sword, Sheldon. Help Raj.
Sheldon: There is no more Sheldon. I am the sword master!
Wolowitz: Leonard, look out!
Leonard: Damn it, Sheldon, we're dying here.
Sheldon: Goodbye, peasants.
Leonard: Bastard teleported!
Raj: He's selling the Sword of Azeroth on eBay.
Leonard: You betrayed us for money? Who are you?
Sheldon: I'm a rogue night elf. Don't you people read character descriptions? Wait, wait, wait... somebody just clicked Buy It Now.
Wolowitz: I am the sword master!
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Wolowitz: So, how'd it go with Leslie?
Leonard: Oh, we tried kissing, but the earth didn't move... I mean any more than the 383 miles it was gonna move anyway
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: There's always a chance that alcohol and poor judgment on her part may lead to a wonderful evening
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leonard: No, I'm done with Penny. I'm going to be more realistic and go after someone my own speed.
Raj: Like who?
Leonard: I don't know... Olivia Geiger?
Sheldon: The dietitian at the cafeteria with the limp and lazy eye?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Well, I don't think you have a shot there
 • Rating: Unrated

Sheldon: I have noted that Leslie Winkle recently started shaving her legs. Now, given that winter is coming, one can only assume that she's signaling sexual availability.
Wolowitz: I don't know. You guys work in the same lab.
Leonard: So?
Wolowitz: There are pitfalls. Trust me, I know. When it comes to sexual harassment law, I'm a bit of a self-taught expert.
Leonard: Look Howard, if I were to ask Leslie Winkle out, it would just be for dinner. I'm not going to walk into the lab, ask her to strip naked and dance for me.
Wolowitz: Oh, then you're probably okay
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 2: "The Big Bran Hypothesis"

[trying to assemble Penny's new wardrobe, reading the instructions]
Wolowitz: Oh, boy! I was afraid of that!
Leonard: What?
Wolowitz: These instructions are a pictographic representation of the least imaginative way to assemble these components. This, right here, is why Sweden has no space program
 • Rating: Unrated

Sheldon: I couldn't sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom is our living room and just outside our living room is that hallway and immediately adjacent to that hallway is this! (showing Penny's messed up apartment)
Leonard: Do you realize if Penny wakes up there's no reasonable explanation to why we are here?
Sheldon: I just gave you a reasonable explanation.
Leonard: No, no. You gave me an explanation. Its reasonableness will be determined by a jury of your peers
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the odds of you having sexual congress with this woman?
Leonard: Men do things for woman without expecting sex.
Sheldon: Those would be men who just had sex
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leonard: I guess we'll just bring it up ourselves.
Sheldon: I hardly think so.
Leonard: Why not?
Sheldon: Well, we don't have a dolly, or lifting belts, or any measurable upper-body strength.
Leonard: We don't need strength. We're physicists. We are the intellectual descendants of Archimedes. Give me a fulcrum and a lever, and I can move the Earth. (Trying to move the box) It's just a matter of... I don't have this. I don't have this. I don't have...
Sheldon: Archimedes would be so proud
 • Rating: Unrated

Leonard: If you don't have any other plans, do you want to join us for Thai food and a Superman movie marathon?
Penny: A marathon? Wow, how many Superman movies are there?
Sheldon: You're kidding, right?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: Excuse me, explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid? Now, I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests that the coffee table is having a tiny garage sale
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 1: "Pilot"

Penny: So, what do you guys do around here?
Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

[on their way to pick up Penny's TV from her ex]
Sheldon: And why can't she get her own TV?
Leonard: Come on, you know how it is with break-ups.
Sheldon: No, I don't and neither do you.
Leonard: But I -- I broke up with Joyce Kim.
Sheldon: You did not break-up with Joyce Kim, she defected to North Korea.
Leonard: To mend her broken heart
 • Rating: Unrated

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