The Big Bang Theory

The Big Bang Theory Season 1 Quotes (Page 5)

Season 1 Episode 9: "The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization"

Leonard: Sheldon, why is this letter in the trash?
Sheldon: Well, there's always the possibility that a trash can spontaneously formed around the letter, but Occam's Razor would suggest that someone threw it out
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Leonard: You are not Isaac Newton.
Sheldon: No, no, that's true. Gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 8: "The Grasshopper Experiment"

Sheldon: I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can.
Lalita: Really? So do I!
Raj: But you're a dentist, he's nuts
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Sheldon: You are the living embodiment of the beautiful Princess Panchali.
Lalita: Oh, no kidding? Who is that?
Sheldon: A beloved character from an Indian folktale.
Lalita: Oh. "Us" Indian or "Come to our casino" Indian?
Sheldon: "You" Indian
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Leonard [referring to Sheldon singing]: What got into him?
Penny: Oh, just a couple virgin Cuba Libres that turned out to be kinda slutty
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Raj: How can I be a gynocologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye!
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Raj: I had such plans. I had dreams. I was going to be the Indira Gandhi of particle astrophysics... but with a penis, of course
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Leonard: Look at the bright side. [Lalita] might turn out to be a nice, beautiful girl.
Raj: Great, then we'll get married, I won't be able to talk to her, and we'll spend the rest of our lives in total silence.
Wolowitz: Worked for my parents
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Wolowitz: Is it just me, or does webchatting with your clothes on seem a little pointless?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Penny [to Raj about Lalita]: No one can make you get married. Why don't you just meet this girl and see what happens?
Raj: Haven't you been listening to me? I cannot talk to women!
Leonard: Um, Raj?
Wolowitz: No, no, let's see how long it takes him
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Sheldon: When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time, my mother would read [The Monkey and the Princess] to me. It's about an Indian princess who befriends a monkey who was mocked by all the other monkeys because he was different. For some reason I related to it quite strongly.
Penny: I know the reason.
Leonard: We all know the reason
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Penny: I need some guinea pigs.
Sheldon: Okay, there's a lab animal supply company in Reseda you can try. But if your research is going to have human applications, may I suggest white mice? Their brain chemistry is far closer to ours.
Penny: I swear to God, Sheldon, one day I'm going to get the hang of talking to you.
Leonard: His mom's been saying that for years
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Raj [drunk]: Where did my life go, Penny?
[everyone is shocked Raj is talking to Penny]
Raj: One day, I'm a carefree bachelor, and the next, I'm married and driving a minivan to pee-wee cricket matches in suburban New Delhi.
Penny: Are you talking to me?
Raj: Is there another Penny here?
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Sheldon: I'll have a diet Coke.
Penny: Can you please order a cocktail? I need to practice mixing drinks.
Sheldon: Fine... I'll have a virgin Cuba Libre.
Penny: That's... rum and Coke without the rum.
Sheldon: Yes, and would you make it diet?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leonard: Do you really need the Honorary Justice League of America Membership card?
Sheldon: It's been in every wallet I owned since I was five.
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: It says keep this on your person at all times. It's right here under Batman's signature.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 7: "The Dumpling Paradox"

Penny: Hey, if you guys need a fourth, I'll play.
Leonard: Great idea!
Sheldon: Uh, no. The wheel was a great idea. Relativity was a great idea. This is a notion, and a rather sucky one at that.
Penny: Why?!
Sheldon: Why? Oho, Penny, Penny, Penny.
Penny: Oho, what, what, what? [picks up controller]
Sheldon: This is a complex battle simulation with a steep learning curve. There are a myriad of weapons, vehicles, and strategies to master, and not to mention an extremely intricate back story.
Penny: Oh, cool! Whose head did I just blow off?
Sheldon: Mine.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Leonard: You have a TV in your room. Why don't you just have breakfast in bed?
Sheldon: Because I am neither an invalid nor a woman celebrating Mother's Day
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Leonard: Can't you see that she's using you?
Wolowitz: Who cares? Last night she pulled off her blouse and I wept.
Penny: Look, Howard, I know her, okay. She'll sleep with anyone as long as they keep buying her things.
Wolowitz: Really?
Penny: Yeah.
Wolowitz: Yay
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Wolowitz: Oh, by the way, where did you get that loofah mitt? Yours reaches places that mine just won't?
Penny: You used my loofah?
Wolowitz: More precisely, we used your loofah. I exfoliated her brains out!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Leonard: What's wrong?
Penny: Well, Howard and Christy are kind of hooking up in my bedroom.
Leonard: Are you sure?
Penny: Look, I grew up on a farm. From what I heard, they're either having sex, or Howard's caught in a milking machine
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

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