The Office

The Office "Branch Closing" Quotes

Michael: [waiting outside CFO's house] What are we still doing here? It's over. Let's go home, get the car. Ohhh, this was such a stupid idea. This was so stupid. [cries] I'm such a stupid idiot. I let everybody down. Everybody hates me. I lost everybody's jobs. Nobody likes me anymore!
Dwight: [checks his phone] OH MY GOD!
Michael: What?
Dwight: Stamford is closed! Michael, we're not closed! Stamford is closed!
Michael: Stamford is closed?! WE DID IT! WE DID IT! How did we do it?
Dwight: I don't... have no idea.
Michael: I don't understand.
 • Rating: Unrated

Toby: Michael, uh, we shouldn't be talking about this until all the decisions have been made.
Michael: You knew about this all along, didn't you?
Toby: Jan told me just a few minutes before she told you.
Michael: Traitor. You are a traitor.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: I always knew that the branch would shut down someday. I just figured it would be because Michael would sell the building for some magic beans.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kelly: If I get to stay and Ryan is laid off, I will kill myself, like Romeo and Juliet... the Claire Danes one.
 • Rating: Unrated

Angela: I don't want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyone's to blame.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery, so from time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future: "Dwight, at 8am today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight."
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Um, listen up everybody, I have some news... We are screwed. Dunder Mifflin Scranton is being shut down.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: It is an outrage, that's all. They're making a huge, huge mistake. Let's see Josh replace these people. Let's see Josh find another Stanley. You think Stanleys grow on trees? Well they don't. There is no Stanley tree. Do you think the world is crawling with Phyllises? Show me that farm. With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place. Ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jan: Our CFO believes that Josh is going to play an important role in our company's future.
Michael: Oh really, what role is that? King of the stupid universe?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jan: A small number of people will be transferred to the Stamford branch, and the rest will be getting severance packages.
Michael: Am I a small number person or a severance package person?
Jan: Well, we haven't made final decisions about personnel yet... but you're a severance package person.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite quote from "Branch Closing?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!