Michael: Oh, no. No. No. This is no good.
Dwight: Yeah. Back injuries are common. Not as common as knee injuries but more common than wrist injuries.
Michael: I don't need you to give me a history lesson. Ok?
Dwight: What do you think history is?
Michael: It's just, we need to get her out of here because no one is going to want to go in there with a woman writhing around on the floor. Wait, wait, wait. But most importantly we need to get her some medical attention. ASAP. Stat.

Dwight: Who tipped you over? Was it Phillip?
Phyllis: It's my back.
Michael: It's her back. We just - We need - Let's - You know what?
Phyllis: Call a doctor.
Michael: We're going to take care of you. We're gonna get you help. Let's - come on.
Phyllis: No. Call Bob.

Andy: [Michael is holding the stereo speaker up to a vent - blaring "[Gonna Make You Sweat] Everybody Dance Now", spins in chair] Oww!
Phyllis: Aw, what the hell? [goes to Vance Refrigeration] Hi, Jessica. Is Bob in?
Jessica: Oh, he's on a call.
Phyllis: Oh, I'll just duck my head in.
Jessica: It's pretty important. He wouldn't want to be disturbed. Can I give him a message before he gets off?
Phyllis: Tell him I'm going dancing downstairs in the storage closet between the bathrooms that used to be a utility shower and he should join me there.
Jessica: I'll let him know.
Phyllis: Mmm-hmm.

Now I know what the founders of Phillip-Morris felt like. you just want to give people a smooth, fun way to relax and suddenly you're just some terrible monster.

Michael

Angela: Come on, right now.
Michael: Cookie. Kevin, cookie.
Angela: Ugh. There is no cookie, Kevin.
Kevin: [to Michael] Is there a cookie?
Michael: Mmm-hmm.
Angela: Wha -
Michael: Come on.
Angela: Oh, for goodness sakes, Kevin. There's no cookie. There's no cookie. Come on. Come.
Kevin: I wanted a cookie.
Angela: Completely unacceptable.

Michael: I've taken my downstairs office and I have turned it into a place to hang out. A place where unattractive and attractive people can get together. To meet. To greet. To see the ones that you love. To love the ones that you see.
Oscar: Is this our punishment for not wanting to have lunch with you?
Michael: Why don't you get over lunch, Oscar? Everybody else is past it.

Michael: Daddy's here for you. My wittle angels. Ok. I think that I have figured a way to get you guys out of your funk.
Pam: What?
Michael: Funk is the problem and the solution.
Jim: That makes sense.

Charles really did a number on these guys. They are way too focused on work. When I was in charge, this place was like Dave and Buster's People just hanging out, having, fun, eating apps. I don't know. It's like [pause] Dave died or something.

Michael

Guys, I believe that I have figured out what is up your butts. There's no reason to be scared. The bad man is gone. Charles is gone.

Michael
Displaying quotes 19 - 27 of 38 in total