Michael: That is a $200 plasma TV you just killed! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe! [Jan runs upstairs crying]
Woman: I'm gonna get going.
Dwight: Fine. Get outta here.
Jim: It's getting late.
Michael: You know what guys? She'll be out of the bathroom real soon.

Michael: Jan thinks Hunter is very talented. You know what? I don't think he's that good.
Jan: At least he's an artist.
Michael: BFD. I'm a screenwriter.
Jan: AND I'M A CANDLEMAKER BUT YOU DON'T HEAR ME BRAGGING ABOUT IT!
Michael: NO ALL YOU DO IS YOU GET ME TO TRY TO WORK ON MY RICH FRIENDS!
Jan: FOR AN INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY!
Michael: MAN! I WOULD LOVE TO BURN YOUR CANDLES!
Jan: YOU BURN IT. YOU BUY IT!
Michael: OH GOOD. I'LL BE YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER!
Jan: AND YOU'RE HARDLY MY FIRST!
Michael: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

I know Jan didn't poison the food. I know that. But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table wouldn't it be me? Michael's former lover?

Pam

Jan: Don't tell me he's really changed since you guys dated.
Pam: Are you joking?
Jan: Well, Michael told me a little bit about it, but I see the way you look at him.
Pam: I have never, ever dated, or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael, ever. Not ever, not now, not then, not now, not ever, ever.
Angela: I've noticed how you look at him at the office.
Jan: Mmm.

Jan: [checking the oven] Uh, not even close.
Angela: So you keep a very tidy house.
Jan: You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath, whew. But I don't have to tell you Pam.
Pam: No. Yeah. What?

Jim: You'll never guess, I just got a message from my landlord apparently, my apartment flooded, something with a sprinkler. Pam, we should probably get going and see the damage.
Pam: Oh okay.
Michael: Well you don't need two of you to do that.
Jim: That's true. Um... dinner sounded delicious. Pam I'll see you at home, thank you so much.
Pam: Oh Jim, I don't think you're going to abandon this party here all by itself.
Jim: I don't know because I everything I own is there.
Pam: You can buy new stuff but you can't buy a new party.
Michael: That's true, that's a great point.

Andy: [playing charades] No it's a... hump. There's a hump.
Jan: Joe Camel!
Andy: Okay yes, first name of that animal and the second name is the state where Helena is the capital.
Pam: Montana.
Jan: Oh!
Pam: Joe Montana!
Andy: Yes! Yes.
Pam: Why didn't you just say 49ers quarterback?

I don't care what they say, I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for... at a dinner party.

Pam

Andy: Tuna! What's up Tuna, we having tuna for dinner? [to Pam] I bet you're sick of tuna right? You probably have tuna every night. Tuna! [to Jan] These are for you. [hands her flowers]
Jan: Oh, how thoughtful.
Michael: Very nice.
Andy: Except for one flower, which is for... my flower.
Jan: Aw.
Angela: What am I supposed to do with this?

Jan: So this is the master bedroom, and these walls used to like white, like an asylum. So I wanted it to be softer, So I had it painted in eggshell white.
Michael: Guess what, white and eggshell white are exactly the same color.
Jan: [puts away video camera] Babe I thought you said you were going to tidy things up.
Michael: Well, I-
Jan: Shame on you.
Pam: What a cute bench.
Michael: Thanks, that's my bed. Jan has some space issues, so I curl up on that puppy.

Jan: Hi.
Michael: Hello.
Jim: Hi.
Jan: How are you?
Michael: Come on in. Good to see you.
Jan: Chilly huh? So glad we finally got to do this with you guys. You wanna take their coats babe?
Michael: Yes I would. So, what have you been doing?
Jim: Let's see, since I saw you an hour ago?
Michael: Yeah.
Jim: I have been getting ready and then driving over here.
Michael: Well we have been doing pretty much the same thing.
Jim: Really?
Michael: Except driving.

Dwight: Michael, what time should I be arriving?
Michael: Dwight, it's couples only. And besides, I only have six wine glasses, so it will be me and Jan, and Pam and Jim, and Angela and Andy.
Andy: Hey-o!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 16 in total

The Office Season 4 Episode 9 Quotes

When I said that I wanted to have kids and you said that you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then, when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn't so sure? Who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you definitely didn't wanna have kids? Who had it reversed back? Snip snap snip snap snip snap! I did! You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person! And I bought this condo to fill with children!

Michael

Jan: I'm so, so sorry for the temperature in here. The, uh, sliding glass door shattered. It's actually a really cute story. Do you wanna tell it, babe, or should I tell it?
Michael: I don't like that story, babe.
Jan: Come on! It's a cute story. Michael ran through the sliding glass door because he thought he heard the ice cream truck.
Michael: Stop! Stop it! I mean... I like ice cream, okay? Sue me! Oh no, don't! I shouldn't say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue! She loves lawsuits. You know, honey, that door was extremely clean, and it looked invisible.
Jan: You are so right. You are SO right! Because before I lived here the glass was always covered with smudges and I moved in and I cleaned it and I guess that makes me the devil!
Michael: [laughing] You are! She is! She is the devil! I'm in hell! I'm burning. Help me.

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