Guys, I'm starting to think Pam's not even pregnant.

Creed

Now, I can't pay for your college. But you don't have to go to class, to be in class. Online classes are a viable option to a traditional college experience. And the best way to access those courses is with your own personal laptop. Which is rendered useless, without batteries! And I have one for each of you. Hold on! Hold on! Hold on! Hold on. They're lithium!

Michael

Wow, uh... I am never going to forget today. Not a chance. I don't think I could ever give back to you what you have given me today. Who here has done something stupid in their lives? Like skipped out on study hall or mix up the difference between A gym and B gym, that sort of thing. Show of hands, anybody? Yes! A bunch of you. Well me too, I have done something stupid. Which I would like to share. Uh...

Michael

Michael: I came here today because I promised you tuition. And tuition is very valuable. But, you know what's invaluable? Is intuition. You know what that is? That is the ability to know when something is about to happen. Does anybody out there have intution? And know what's going to happen, next? Nobody? Ok. You're gonna make me say it. Alright. I am so proud of all of you. Derrick, and Lefevre. And, and Ben and Ianna and Mikyla. And Nikki and Jason and... Sorry I'm sort of spacing on your name...
Zyan: I'm Zyan. I'm Mikyla's younger brother.
Michael: Well Zyan I am not going to be paying for your tuition. Which brings me to my main point. And that is that I will not be able to pay for anybody's tuition. I'm so sorry.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, welcome! I know you're all very excited but, no matter who gets this, I just wanna say that you guys are all employees of the month in my eyes.

Jim

I just ... I fell in love with these kids. And I didn't want to see them fall victim to the system. So I made 'em a promise. I told them if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I have made some empty promises in my life but, hands down that was the most generous.

Michael

Employee of the month. Every awesome place I've worked at had one ... Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers, AIG... my summer at Enron.

Andy

Dwight: Also, this should be accompanied by a monetary prize.
Jim: Well, in an ideal world-
Dwight: In an ideal world I would have all 10 fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.

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