Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
Jim: [on his cell phone] Dunder Mifflin, this is Jim!

Doctor: Does the area look red and swollen?
Dwight: That's what she said.
Michael: That's my joke — dammit, Dwight!

I wanna clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill.

Jim

Toby: [watches Ryan bite his string cheese] Wow, you just dive right in.
Ryan: You know, around age 12, I just started going for it.

I ground up four extra-strength Aspirin and put them in Michael's pudding. I do the same with my dog to get him to take his heartworm medicine.

Ryan

I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me, and since I don't have a butler I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill, then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again, then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me, it's a perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot. That's it, I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.

Michael

Dwight: Chu chu chu chu...
Jim: What are you doing?
Dwight: Vietnam sounds.

Michael: I wanted all of you to take a look at a few of the many, many disabled icons who have contributed so much to our society.
Jim: Quick question, uhh, why is Tom Hanks on the wall?
Ryan: Twice?
Michael: Good question. Forrest Gump — mentally challenged, Philadelphia — AIDS.
Kevin: I think that's from Big.
Michael: I don't think so, no.
Kelly: Yeah, he's dancing on a piano with Robert Loggia.
Michael: He grew into a man overnight. Rare disability. It still works.

Dwight: Where are we going?
Jim: Chuck E. Cheese.
Michael: Chuck E. Cheese? Oh, I'm so sick of Chuck E. Cheese.
Jim: We're going to the hospital, Michael.
Michael: I know, I'm just saying.

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