The Office

The Office "The Promotion" Quotes

Jim: I've been studying Michael for years and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart. [holds up pie chart] "How Michael Spends His Time." You can see we have "procrastinating," and "distracting others," and this tiny sliver here, is "critical thinking." I made it bigger. So that you could see it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kevin: What does a bean mean?
Pam: Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me?
Kevin: Michael, what does a bean mean.
Pam: Jim?
Jim: I was just trying to be unbiased.
Kevin: WHAT DOES A BEAN MEAN.
Oscar: Would someone please explain to Kevin?
Meredith: Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours.
Phyllis: Not according to the beans.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: You know what would help is a pros and cons list for our options. Jim don't take this the wrong way. Are you going to take this the wrong way?
Jim: It's hard to tell so far.
Michael: You use your brain too much.
Jim: I'm sorry are you advocating that I use it less?
Michael: Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all.
Jim: You just came up with that.
Michael: As I was saying it.
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Jim: Ok I thought I saw people missing.
Michael: Yeah. Just focus grouping a product expansion idea to these folks. Got one of each.
Jim: Really. Hey Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said before I came through the door.
Michael: Stanley you don't need to answer that.
Jim: Stanley?
Stanley: If you don't smell this you're fired.
Jim: Ok. Michael, I thought we agreed to not take up people's time with meetings like these.
Michael: What do you mean by "these people"?
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: If I can just, think this through. If I can just think it exactly right, I can make this perfect. And then I can go down every avenue and every avenue off of that avenue. And then another avenue-
Jim: Michael!
Michael: And then another...
 • Rating: Unrated

Meredith: My kid needs shoes! You wanna tell him he doesn't get shoes!?
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Are we idiots? What right, does Jim have to claim authority? Is he as good a salesman as I? Is he as matronly as Phyllis? There are moments where we can affect change. For a few seconds every decade... We exist. These are those seconds! Let us storm his castle. Come on! (Tick.) Let's get him. (Tock.) Let's get Jim! (Tick.) And drag Jim out of his office. (Tock.) Take his keys away from him! (Tick!) That's a clock! The time is getting very close. It's now or never. [screams] What say you!
Phyllis: I say no.
Dwight: No I mean, what do you say to my plan.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: You know there's no easy way to do this. I say we add 1.5 percent to their paychecks and don't say anything about it.
Jim: Do you mean like, break in in the middle of the night and change the numbers on payroll?
Michael: No, we can do it during the day. It doesn't have to be that dramatic, Jim.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ryan: You know it's a myth women have to gain more than nine pounds in a pregnancy. Look at these actresses, some of them lose weight.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: You know what eats a large amount of the day? Naps. You go to sleep it's light out, you wake up it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea.
Jim: You mean on a weekend.
Michael: [pause] Yes.
 • Rating: Unrated

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