Here are some things that I want to teach you that your mother won't be able to.

Michael

Michael: Hello son. If you're watching this, that means I'm already dead. Life is a road-
Dwight: How do you know it's going to be a boy?
Michael: How, would you stop interrupting please?

Michael: Guys! Beef: it's what's for dinner! Who wants some man meat?
Dwight: I do! I want some man meat!
Jim: Michael, Dwight would like your man meat.
Michael: Well then, my man meat he shall have.

I don't care what Jim says, that is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure.

Dwight

It takes a big man to admit his mistake and that's what I did. The important thing is I learned something. I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I'm going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me. Hmm.

Michael

Jim: Hey, Ryan?
Ryan: What?
Jim: You wanna pull a prank on Andy?
Ryan: Not right now, but ask me again 10 years ago.
Jim: I liked you better when you were the temp.
Ryan: Yeah, me too.

Jim: Hey.
Karen: Hey.
Jim: So Andy is in rare form today.
Karen: Yeah, you should not encourage him.
Jim: Encourage him? I'm the victim, okay? He's fishing for me. We've got to do something.
Karen: Look, I've got like fifteen new clients I inherited from Dwight and each file is password protected with a different mythical creature. So, I'm sorry. I can't.
Jim: Fine. Party pooper.

Oscar: I really have no preference. We don't even have to have a party.
Michael: No, hey, hey. Don't be ridiculous. Of course we are going to have a party. A celebration of Oscar. Oscar night. And I want it to be Oscar-specific.
Oscar: Michael --
Michael: No, no, no. I mean, not because you're gay. Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity. So Phyllis... I want you to go find firecrackers. And a Chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga.
Oscar: Why don't you have me riding in on a donkey into the office like Pepe.
Michael: Ah, a burro, of course. If Oscar wants a donkey, let's get him one.

Love that Andy, right? Solid fellow. Seems smart enough. Likes me a lot. A lot. Too much. Like a crazy person. A little. Not super crazy... just... there's something about him that creeps me out. I can't really explain it. He's always up in my bidness. Which is ebonics for "being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me." I don't understand how someone could have so little self-awareness.

Michael
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