The Office Season 5 Quotes
They have new phone systems now that can ring directly to a salesman, or someone presses star and they go to accounting, basically 95 percent of my job. But I'd like to see a machine that puts out candy for everyone. [realizing] Vending machine...
Pam
Phone Salesman: Hi.
Pam: Good morning, can I help you?
Phone Salesman: Yes, I'm from Techstar about a new phone system for you. I was wondering if I could talk to Michael Scott.
Pam: I'm sorry, he's not in right now.
Phone Salesman: Really? He's never around when I come by.
Pam: Shoot.
Michael: Who have I wronged? Who have I wronged? Oh, oh! What about that fat guy from Stamford that I insulted? We should find him!
Pam: You mean Tony?
Michael: Java the hut, Pizza the hut, Fat guys like pizza, pepperoni pizza, pepperoni Tony!
Pam: Oh, Michael.
Michael: Man, was he fat. So, so... fat. You know what, forget it. I know me. When I saw him, I would never be able to apologize to him. Too fat. Big fat fatty.
Michael: I feel great. So good to have closure. Ah! We should go apologize to Roy or something.
Pam: No, we don't need to do that.
Birthday time is over! Now go make up for all the work you missed when you were taking your nap.
Dwight
Pam: It's deleted.
Michael: Well?
Pam: She still has feelings for you.
Michael: She said that? Is that what it said? What did it say?
Pam: I can't tell you specifically, but... it's not over.
Michael: You're sure?
Pam: [nods and smiles]
Michael: [smiles] Okay.
Jim: When I was seven, my Dad took me to the Natural History Museum in New York. And we looked at fossils all day. And at the end of the day, he got me a little plastic triceratops. It was awesome.
Dwight: That's cool. Hey, you know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed.
Jim: Didn't see that one coming.
Jim: Look, is there a birthday you remember that you loved?
Dwight: Here's one. It was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light. An intense pressure like I'd never felt before. Father, dressed in white, pulls me forward. Mother bites the cord.
Jim: Okay, stop. Forever stop that story. That's disgusting, and it doesn't count. So give me another one.
Dwight: Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a Depression-era practicality, and then moved on to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year.
Jim: Okay, so far, our ideal party consists of beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, blood, touch football, mating, charades, and yes, horse hunting.
Dwight: You're right, forget horse hunting. It's stupid.
Pam: No, under no circumstances can you read that letter. It's a violation of her trust.
Michael: How?
Pam: Because, she didn't send it to you!
Michael: I know, I know. You're right, you're right.
Pam: I could read it.
Michael: No, that wouldn't-
Pam: Yeah, I could read it.
Michael: No, you don't have to do that.
Pam: Go get your laptop.
Michael: Okay. [leaves to get laptop]
Pam: [to camera] What? I'm not in love with her.
Michael: Want some pie?
Pam: No.
Michael: I went through Holly's things.
Pam: What?
Michael: I stole a sleeve of her sweater.
Pam: Oh, Michael...
Michael: I also stole something off of her computer. A document called "Dear Michael."
Pam: You did what?
Michael: I shouldn't have done it. It just- I couldn't help it.
Pam: She never sent it to you?
Michael: No, sh- she didn't. I'm gonna read it.
Pam: No.
Michael: Yes.
I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat, are not things I want to go into. Also, I'm pretty sure she coughed up a hairball.
Oscar
