The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 18 Quotes
Jazz folks may have the smallest apartments, but they have the biggest hearts! And the biggest heart I know lives inside my sister, Lisa.
Bart
(entire audience gasps)
Jazzy Goodtimes Waiter: What it is, hip cats? Would you like me to scat-sing the menu?
Bart: Hell, no.
Jazzy Goodtimes Waiter: Oh, god bless you, sir!
My arm! It hurts where the tiger's biting it!
Bart
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: We were about to play a quick set and we were wondering if you
Lisa: Yes?
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Lisa Simpson
Lisa: Yes?
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Would do us the honor
Lisa: Yes!
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Of sitting in(Lisa gasps) that chair in the audience. We wanna jam with your brother.
Homer: Boy, get dressed! You're going to a jazz brunch as punishment for all the racket you're making.
Bart: I thought you wanted me to drum?
Homer: Hmph. I'm sending you mixed messages. Now get the hell out of here! (slams door then opens it again) I love you so much. Damn you!
Bart: I need you to teach me all about the world of juzz.
Lisa: It's jazz! Jazz! You don't even know the name of the thing you're stealing from me!
(In her car, Marge picks up Milhouse for school.)
Milhouse: I brought my own car seat. Look!
(Milhouse straps himself in.)
Milhouse: Hey, Lisa, my safety bar matches your eyes. (Laughs)
(On the way to school, Otto stops the bus and offers Metallica a ride; their tour bus has broken down.)
Otto: So what are you waiting for? Hop in.
James Hetfield: (Chuckles) Hop in what?
(The school bus peels away with Bart at the wheel.)
Bart: Look at me, I'm Otto! I'm a hundred years old and I drive a school bus!
Otto: Oh, man. Maybe me and Metallica can go splitsies on a cab.
(Hans Moleman slowly drives by in a pickup truck, with Metallica and their gear in the bed of the truck.)
Kirk Hammett: Hey, loser, we got a ride from a real fan!
Hans Moleman: I used to sleep with Lars' grandmother.
Robert Trujillo: Never listen to our music again!
(Hans Moleman pulls away as Metallica plays an instrumental from the song, "Master of Puppets.")
(Bart, Legs and Louie pay a vist to Krusty the Clown at Krusty Burger.)
Bart: Krusty, Fat Tony hasn't received his weekly payment for keeping McDonald's and Burger King out of town.
Krusty the Clown: Well, I'm a little short this week. Could I just pay you $5 to keep out Hardee's?
(Fat Tony drives the school carpool home.)
Fat Tony: Milhouse, may I borrow your three-ring binder?
(Milhouse holds up two binders.)
Milhouse: Garfield or Love Is...?"
Fat Tony: Uh, I prefer the cat. He hates Mondays. We can all relate.
(Michael and Fat Tony invite the Simpson family over for dinner.)
Marge: We'd love to! You know, I've never met you wife.
Fat Tony: Sadly, my Anna Maria was whacked by natural causes.
Marge: Oh, you're a widower.
Fat Tony: I bring flowers to her grave every Sunday.
Marge: Ooh, flowers every week! I wish I was dead.
Mmm. Oh, this must be what angels taste like!
</i> Homer
