Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FX
Wilfred

You were right Ryan. God is a fake ass little bitch.

Wilfred

Why have you forsaken me God? I give my life in service of you, and you totally dick me over!

Wilfred

It was God, Ryan. And as God was carrying your flat screen tv out the back door, he looked at me as if to say, "Go my son. Smite these sinners. Wipe this present day Sodom and Gomorrah off the face of the earth!"

Wilfred

I love all God's creatures, even certain Jews.

Wilfred

When one walks with the Lord, Ryan, one's tail is always wagging.

Wilfred

Wilfred: It was Jesus!
Ryan: And Jesus stole my radio?
Wilfred: The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Holy shit. Marley and Me is a really sad movie. God, why was I laughing the whole time?

Wilfred

I'm pretty sure they were dead. I looked everywhere for them.

Wilfred

Here's me looking out the window at absolutely nothing. I did that for like four or five hours.

Wilfred
Displaying all 9 quotes