Wilfred

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FX
Wilfred
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Wilfred, you're my best friend. If you want your own dog house, we'll get you one. I just can't spend $9,000.

Ryan

Warner's gonna join us whenever he feels like it. That's one of the things about being rich; you get to treat everybody else like shit. I can't wait.

Kevin

There's darkness everywhere Ryan. You just can't see because the sun is such an attention whore.

Wilfred

Wipe that smirk off your face and listen to this Kant.

Wilfred

Jesus, put down the bong and pick up a book.

Wilfred

So when Jenna leaves the house and I can't see her anymore, she doesn't cease to exist, she's just somewhere else? No, no, no, no. That's just crazy.

Wilfred

Ryan: Read a book or something.
Wilfred: A book? Yeah right. Maybe if it had pictures...that moved...and sound...and Matt Damon in it...and in the middle of the movie Matt Damon'd be like (makes gun noises)...now there's a book I'd like to read.

I've heard of trauma causing blindness, like when Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles walked in on each other masturbating.

Wilfred

This is all your fault. How come every time I follow you somewhere I lose my wallet?

Ryan

You just put a footprint on the Mona Lisa. Did you see the swirl on that masterpiece? The form, the texture, the taper of pinch point? What do I bother? You don't know shit.

Wilfred
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Wilfred Season 2 Episode 5 Quotes

This is all your fault. How come every time I follow you somewhere I lose my wallet?

Ryan

You just put a footprint on the Mona Lisa. Did you see the swirl on that masterpiece? The form, the texture, the taper of pinch point? What do I bother? You don't know shit.

Wilfred
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