Favorite Chevy Chase Quotes
The barber shop--a reminder of the era when men were men, and women were sex-cooks who did laundry.
Pierce
Pierce: I'll give you the same advice my father gave me the night I lost my virginity: just pick one; they all cost the same.
Pierce: If you knew what spooked me, you'd probably call me crazy and old.
Jeff: No one's going to call you, Pierce.
Ghosts can't go through doors, stupid. They're not fire!
Pierce
Did you know that in ancient Greece, it was considered an honor to invite a person my age to a space convention?
Pierce
Jeff: I'd like to offer my sincere congratulations. It's hard enough to find people you can stand in this life, let alone someone willing to stomach your imminent dementia and present incontinence.
Pierce: Thank you, Jeff. I just hope she can satisfy me. I'm like an insatiable baboon in the bedroom.
Jeff: Don't sell yourself short. You're a baboon everywhere.
Pierce: Let's carve that jive turkey.
Shirley: Got that out of your system?
Anything could happen between now and that dance. An asteroid could hit. Do you want to be the schmuck who apologizes right before the world ends?
Pierce
Pierce: What do you want me to do?
Jeff: Stay alive...or don't!
Pierce: I'm on it!
No one's even willing to consider that I might be the Hitler of the group?
Pierce
Pierce: Who is the dumpling with the nice Asian pair?
Jeff: I think that's the first time sexism has made me hungry.
You ask one lady if she's Tyler Perry in drag and suddenly you're the bad guy.
Pierce
