My uncle put his finger in my no-no!


Troy: According to our polls, the campus is almost evenly divided. Now keep in mind, the margin of error on this thing is about 98%.
Abed: Could be higher. We don't even know how to do margins of error. We talked to two people at a vending machine.

I live with that dude. He's got night terrors and a rotary phone.


Abed: For Greendale College Television, I'm Abed Nadir.
Troy: And I'm Troy "Butt Soup" Barnes. What? That's my name.

Evil Troy: I've been counting our bullets. One of us it out.
Troy: Is it you?
Evil Troy: Yes.
Troy: Why would you tell me that?

I wanna go to rehab and compare penises with famous people.


Annie: I lost Abed!
Troy: I told you to never let him out of your sight! That goes double for holidays and wax museums!

I'm auditioning for Professor Garrity's all-black production of "Fiddler on the Roof." It's called "Fiddlah, Please!"


My uncle never put his finger in my plop-plop. I know, I'm bummed about it too.


I wish I was a book. She could pick me up, flip through my pages. Make sure nobody drew wieners in me.


So was that girl an alien, or a toddler with a growing disease?


Annie: Shirley! We were just-
Abed:-about to-
Troy:-eat garbage dip! Why did I have to go third??

Community Quotes

Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.

Troy [reading the cake]

I need Purell for my brain.