Troy: According to our polls, the campus is almost evenly divided. Now keep in mind, the margin of error on this thing is about 98%.
Abed: Could be higher. We don't even know how to do margins of error. We talked to two people at a vending machine.

Abed: For Greendale College Television, I'm Abed Nadir.
Troy: And I'm Troy "Butt Soup" Barnes. What? That's my name.

I live with that dude. He's got night terrors and a rotary phone.

Troy

I wanna go to rehab and compare penises with famous people.

Troy

I wish I was a book. She could pick me up, flip through my pages. Make sure nobody drew wieners in me.

Troy

Community Quotes

Britta: I'm a psych major! Words are my weapons!
Security Guard: I'm a security guard. Weapons are my weapons.

Annie: The midterm dance will need a visual theme. Like, 'Let's blow off steam,' and it's trains!
Chang: I have an idea!
Annie: Chang, your last idea was to murder.