It's official. Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is the worst actress in the history of human civilization.
The girl lacks the ability to even chug Red Bull - which Violet did to make her heart race and pay a visit to Michael - believably.
More on that in a sec. Violet began “watering Auggie’s herb garden” while he was away on a surfing trip, and snooped around and found a letter Sydney wrote to Auggie about how her ex-husband Michael ruined her life.
So Violet came up with a plan to visit Dr. Mancini with a racing heart. And she waltzed right into his office and was examined. Surprise, she was fine, but she invited him to the bar later to express her gratitude.
There, she got him sufficiently tanked, but when Michael got a call from his distressed wife to come home, Violet kicked it up another terribly-acted notch. Violet followed him to his car, wrapped her legs around him and tackled him into the back seat. Totally realistic.
Michael came home from work the next day to find wife Vanessa interviewing nanny candidates. Of course Violet is the newest applicant. Michael flipped out and dragged Violet outside to confront her.
But she had a surprise in store – she says she is Sydney’s daughter and she shows a video she’d made of their romp in the car the night before (from an angle she couldn't possibly have recorded it from on her own phone, but whatevs).
She says she knows what he did to Sydney and now he's going to pay!
[Cue unintended guffaw from audience after poorly-delivered line]
Meanwhile, Lauren was called upon to prove her “versatility” (get it on in a threesome) on a private yacht party. But she quickly bailed when David came aboard the boat. She ran off before he saw her.
David was on the yacht because he got mixed up with a shady art dealer who wanted him to steal a $2.2 million Egyptian antiquity.
But David prefers to fly solo, and was not buying what the guy was selling, in more ways than one. He got his ass whomped by some thugs.
Lauren took him to the hospital, knowing full well he didn't fall of a motorcycle as he tries to say because she saw him on the boat.
At the hospital, roughed-up David again sparks his dad's suspicions.
Ella was busy with fashion client Anton V, who has developed a denim line.
To her horror, Anton gets a glimpse of Riley stopping by the office covered in paint from her first-grade class and wants her to be his new model.
Ella says she has no experience and doesn't even look like a model. Anton says that's exactly why he wants her to redefine his line.
Riley insisted she’s too shy but decided to model eventually to help with Jonah’s money problems. She's gonna get paid 10 grand in a week for it.