Helen doesn't want to get out of bed after the night with Noah. She's looking at the dead cactus on the floor, and finally drags herself out of bed.

Helen gets the kids to pack their things, they're going to the beach.

On the way, she passes the boat, and has to shake her head clear.

Bruce and Margaret ask after Vic. Helen lies.

They really liked Vic. They wanted her to marry him. Of course she ruined the relationship.

Her parents realize everything wrong with her is their fault, and this totally throws Helen.

She takes the kids to The Lobster Roll for lunch.

When Helen sees Cherry makes the pies out of the house, she buys three.

The arguing at the dinner table is terrible. Stacy saw Noah leave the house and all hell breaks loose. Helen tells her family she was driving the car. She wants to tell the Lockharts. Before she can leave, she's grabbed by her parents and they take her downstairs. They put her into a panic room.

Her parents are trying to talk sense into her, but she locks them in the panic room and escapes. She'll face prison, put the kids through even more trauma. What the hell is she thinking?

She drives to the Lockharts, but doesn't go in. Instead she recalls the night of the incident.

She goes to the bar and sees Alison. Alison sees Helen first and asks if she'll send the kids her love. They talk about Noah being stabbed.

Alison admits she wishes what happened never hurt anyone, but she knows why what happened happened. Helen asks if anything is ever her fault, ever. Alison says yes with a very cool look.

Alison knows they can only control their own choices. They can't save each other. They can only save themselves.

Helen starts to tell Alison about driving. Alison says she knows, because she was there. Helen still wants to go to Cherry's house to let her know what happened, but now she wants to take Alison with her. Alison says no way.

Helen finds herself back in front of the Lockhart house, this time drunk and crying.

Helen goes to see Vic. She apologizes by way of telling him she had a view of herself that she lived with all her life, but she killed Scott Lockhart. That was her secret. She was afraid to go to prison. She thought it was fair because he fucked up her life so she could fuck up his.

She tells Vic she doesn't know how to live with this. He seems, rightfully, gobsmacked. He says he'll find her after work.

Part Two: Noah

Noah walks into a hair salon. He's looking for Kaylie to cut his hair. Kaylie is Gunther's wife.

Her shift just ended, so she has to go home and get dinner started. She's very sweet.

Noah stalks her, hood up and everything.

Noah walks to the house and knocks on the door. WTF?

Gunther has a blind kid. Or maybe an autistic kid. Kaylie is screaming when she sees Noah, and the boy is a mess. Gunther calms him down.

Gunther doesn't understand what Noah is talking about. He says he hasn't seen him since Fishkill. Gunther says he doesn't even know Noah, let alone want him dead. When Noah pulls a knife on him, Gunther gets a grip on him and handles the situation. Nothing Noah remembers is true.

Noah is running down Gunther's street and recalls running to his lake, someone screaming at him.

On the train, he remembers Gunther reading his book and bringing it to the hole.

Noah says he hasn't had anything to eat or drink for two days. He drank his piss.

Gunther was reading a book about Noah's mother and assisted suicide, how Noah planned to make his mother think she was near the end so she would kill herself. Because Noah was charming, and could make anyone do anything.

But Noah put a face to his terror, a face with which he was familiar.

Noah is digging into his brain, wondering is it was murder or mercy. He was talking to himself. Gunther was the closest thing to himself he could use to sort out his life.

He smashed his own shoulder into the wall trying to beat up Gunther, a Gunther who wasn't there.

Noah realized he had an affair with Alison to try to save her because he murdered his mother.

Noah goes back to the apartment where he stabbed himself. He has a manuscript about four pages long on his dresser. In the kitchen, he hears water running. He pulls out his knife and goes into the room, which only moments before was showerd in light and is now pitch black.

He looks at the blood stains on the floor. The light doesn't work. He's recalling the night he was stabbed. It was his won hand he had cut. In the window he sees Gunther's face instead of his own reflection.

Noah's father running after him, screaming at him. What did you do son, what did you do??

Noah did stab himself, and the knife fell into the sink so that it was immediately cleaned.