The Tuesday Gossip Girl Reality Index 10/21/2008

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Every Tuesday, the previous night's Gossip Girl is analyzed by New York Magazine and assigned scores according to a hilariously arbitrary "reality index."

Below are highlights (some realistic, some far from it), from the publication's comprehensive breakdown of last night's episode, "Chuck in Real Life" ...

  • When Rufus goes to put on music, he says, "I'm thinking Wham," as he looks right at Nate's bangs. Coincidence? We think not. Plus 3.
  • Since when is Vanessa allowed to wear something strapless and shiny? Minus 1. Also, she's too poor to afford that necklace. Minus 1 again.
  • Serena goes out with the ladies to "1Oak and Bijoux." Plus 3.
  • Gossip Girl's homepage at the start of the episode wonders whether Chuck Bass is "the new LonelyBoy." No, no, no. Minus 1.
    Behind the Scenes: Blair
  • Would Blair really keep saying "crush her" like that? Actually, yeah. Plus 1.
  • Nate living by himself in the mansion with nobody knowing would never happen. Page Six would have been all over the house getting repossessed, and even Nate isn't dumb enough to just like leave the "seized" sign up. Minus 2.
  • Eric's boyfriend is cute but not ridiculously cute, which is just so perfect. Plus 2 because the sweet guy is always the one you date second.
  • Dan tries out for soccer? Uh, what? Everybody knows senior year is way too late to try a new sport. Minus 2. Besides, Nate would totally play lacrosse, duh. Minus only 1, because at least now every gay man in the world can incorporate Chace Crawford into their requisite soccer-player fantasy.
  • Dan's heart-to-heart with Serena is so dead-on, from when she drops the hint that "the person who she'd most like to talk to, she can't anymore" to Dan's reply - an adolescent-sage take on Lily: "You ever think your mom acts like she's perfect because she's too far from it to acknowledge that she's not?" And then of course Serena is like, gee, I never even thought of that! You're so smart. And then Dan shrugs, like, yeah, I'm a writer, you know. Plus 3.

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell ... You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl

[to Jenny] That's the thing. You need to be cool to be queen. Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you. For what it's worth, you're my Queen. I choose you.

Blair