Best of South Park Season One Quotes

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When South Park first came on the air in 1997, it was the most offensive cartoon and featured some of the worst animation possible and wow did we love it!  While the show is entering its fourteenth season next month, that doesn't stop us from fondly remembering the amazing first season.

Before the show became so satirical of current events, the show focuses mostly on four elementary school boys and the crazy town of South Park around them.  The first season had some classic episodes that we still think of whenver we think of South Park including "Starvin' Marvin," "Mecha-Streisand" and, of course, "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo."

Mecha-Streisand Picture

Even the songs were a phenomenon.  In the days before Youtube, I remember friends emailing around clips of Kyle's "I'm a lonely Jew." 

Whether you're still a fan of the show or not, you can easily enjoy the collection of South Park quotes we're slowly building season by season.  Let's start with our favorites from season one:

Kitty: Meow.
Cartman: No kitty, this is my pot-pie.
Kitty: Meow.
Cartman: No KITTY, THIS IS MY POT-PIE! MOM! Kitty's being a dildo!
Liane Cartman: Well then, I know a certain kitty-kitty whose sleeping with mommy tonight.
Cartman: What? | permalink
Uncle Jimbo: Now boys, boys, I, I need to get serious for a minute. I want you to understand a few basic rules of hunting, since this is your first time. First, don't ever walk with your gun unless the safety's on. Second, don't shoot anything that looks human and third, never spill your beer in the bullet chamber. | permalink
Cartman: Wait a minute, why the hell does he get an A-?
Mr. Garrison: Eric, Stanley just might lead our team to victory against the Middle Park Cowboys for the first time in decades. And we treat star athletes better 'cause they're better people. | permalink
Dr. Mephisto: With genetic engineering we can correct all of God's horrible mistakes, like German people. | permalink
Doctor: Very interesting...
Mortician: What is it, doc?
Doctor: Well, your temperature is only 55 degrees, you have no pulse, no heartbeat, and your eyes are all puffy and sticky...
Mortician: Oh no! You mean...?
Doctor: Yeah, I'm afraid the two of you have pinkeye.
(The mortician and his assistant both gasp in horror.)
Doctor: I'd give you topical medicine, but I don't wanna touch you.
Assistant: Oh, I'm so hungry, and all I can think about eating is...brains!
Doctor: Yeah, well, for God's sake, don't touch your eyes. I'll prescribe some antibiotics. | permalink
Cartman: See, this is what we call an all-you-can-eat buffet. Here you can eat all you want for just $6.99. That why everyone comes here on Tuesday nights, except for Kenny's family because for them, $6.99 is two year's income. | permalink
Starvin' Marvin Picture
Kyle: Officer Barbrady!
Officer Barbrady: What?
Kyle: Is it illegal for Jewish people to eat Christmas snow?
Officer Barbrady: Yes. | permalink
Mr. Garrison: Now Damien, where are you from?
Damien: The seventh layer of Hell.
Mr. Garrison: That's nice. My mother was also born in Alabama. | permalink
Stan: Robert Smith is the greatest person who ever lived!
Jesus: Our saviour! | permalink
Narrator: Who is Eric Cartman's father? Is it Chief Running Water? Or is it Chef? Is it Mephesto? Or that little monkey guy that follows him around? Or is it Mr. Garrison?
Jimbo: Nope. He's gay.
Mr. Garrison: You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!
Narrator: Is it Jimbo?
Jimbo: Daaagh!
Narrator: Or is it Officer Barbrady?
Officer Barbrady: Huh?! Where?!
Narrator: Or could it be Ned?
Ned: Could be.
Narrator: Or Mr. Broflovski??
Kyle: Dad, how could you?!
Narrator: Or is it the 1991 Denver Broncos? The answer is coming on an all-new South Park, in just four weeks.
Cartman: What?! Son of a bitch!! | permalink
Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut Picture

Eric Hochberger is the programmer of TV Fanatic, so please forgive his mediocre writing. His programming is far better. Follow him on Twitter and/or email him. Just don't request threaded comments. They're coming.


South Park Quotes

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman

Cartman: Suck my balls.
Ms. Choksondik: Present them.
Cartman: What?
Ms. Choksondik: Present: Whip them out and I'll suck 'em.